(Written in July 2006)
One of the consequences of depression is I wake with sadness every morning. Sometimes I work on it in my journal.
Morning sadness. Ache in my heart.
ME: Heart, can you tell me what the ache is about?
HEART: I long to create widely, hugely. I long to love and see my love reflected in people having better lives. I want friends who share my vision and will co-create a new world with me. I want to spend all my time being creative, and not be wasting energy on “bureaucratic” tasks. I love the earth and it hurts to see people treating her with disrespect. It hurts that there are so many lives narrowed and stunted by the culture of empire.
It helps to read something like this:
From Crossing to Avalon, by Jean Shinoda Bolen: “In musing about these remarkable gardens of Findhorn that grow out of a wasteland, I am reminded of how similarly remarkable it is when someone with a bleak and barren childhood, devoid of security and full of abuse, does not respond in kind by becoming a battering, abusive cynical adult but instead becomes a loving person who can trust others. It’s a miracle when someone’s life begins as a barren trash heap and ends up a garden. On seeing “the garden” without knowing its history, we miss the meaning and wonder and inspiration that it exists at all, just as I almost did on seeing Findhorn.” (p212)