(Written in August 2008)
I’m BEYOND exhausted.
I’ve been here before and I’ve come out of it. Many times. The sense of “forever” is the baby’s, is part of the brain chemistry. I’m just typing up from the beginning of July when I was full of energy and hope. That part of my life is just as real as this dead hopelessness.
It’s so strange to be typing up from July when I had plenty of energy and was feeling good about myself and my life. Nothing has really changed since then — I already knew my investments were down — but I got physically tired, there was too much bad news & not enough good news last week — so I raise my meds and hang on hoping it will work. One thing I can do is cut back drastically on the money I give away. My highest priority is to have something to leave for Neskaya.