Since the last post I went through a bad time, and then managed to find something that helped a lot.
On May 17 I say “A level of despair that I have never felt before. No energy at all for going on. My heart aches.” and later: “I’m feeling a level of aloneness I’ve never felt before. Completely abandoned. No help anywhere. No companionship.” May 18 “I choose to trust that humanity will make the great transition to a mature sustainable planetary civilization. I choose to trust that the wider, more inclusive, participatory, sacred cosmos is alive and intelligent and works through me/us to create a better world for all.” This is an attempt to help myself see that there is a possibility of something bigger. May 19 I’m still struggling: “Feeling so lost and lonely. Nothing I can hold on to. No home, no belonging place. No people who are my people. I just want to curl up somewhere and be held and comforted. I think I’m suffering from intense grief and despair for the planet, and cognitive difficulties due to the social distancing and lack of activity because of COVID.”
May 20 was the day I found what I needed: Humanity Rising presented a talk on “Natural Intelligence.” I read the description and wasn’t sure if I wanted to watch. Talked to Erica about it. Here’s the description:
Humanity Rising Day 481 Natural Intelligence
How to create a world where we live life from a deep understanding of the operating system of humanity and see practical solutions to implement this knowledge into our own lives, organisations and societies at scale.
On May 21 I watched the video and made a single note: “Natural Intelligence Thoughts shape energy 46 min. ” 46 minutes so I could go back to that point.
May 22 Things turn around:
I wake up about 4AM and then just lie there. Not really thinking, but not sleeping either. At least I’m not feeling bummed out. Jeddah Mali — I think she’s in Brighton, England, and she doesn’t look foreign — has restored to me the living, intelligent Universe. What she says makes so much sense.
I watch parts of it again over the next few days. Finally made careful notes on May 25
Natural Intelligence: 46:00 Thought shapes energy. The energy is very sensitive. It can read frequency, our intention, it can read our underlying subconscious beliefs, our belief about how likely it is to happen, what we think that says about us. Energy is so subtle, so nuanced, that it can express every aspect of our thought life.
Energy pattern forms a sensation in us
Energy reorganizes our molecular structure in order to make the pattern felt.
It wants to bring to our attention the way we’re interacting with the fundamental energy of life.The way we treat our being is the way we treat life
the way we feel affects others
individual coherence begets group coherence begets social coherence begets…The sensation tells us what we are intending if we pay attention to it.
It’s asking Is this what you want?
and we can decide yes or no.
Since I don’t have much physical energy, and what I have gets spent in just trying to get through the day, I decided that I needed to work on the subtleties of my own thinking. I need to work on changing my subconscious thinking which interferes with my ability to manifest what I really want. I simply don’t have the physical energy to be an activist. I signed up for the “Mapping App” which helps you see the details of how your mind — conscious and subconscious — is shaping energy.
Jeddah Mali’s website is Intelligent Life.