(Written in January 2007)
Woke scared. I say to myself “This is a trauma based world view.” I say “everything’s gonna be all right.” I say “Mother is dead, she can’t hurt you now.”
Saw Dave yesterday for Somatic Experiencing. I think I got caught in being afraid I was doing it “wrong.” I felt so weak and wimpy when I got home, I just ate lunch, but couldn’t get myself to go out with the dog. I started reading Guidance ‘04 to comfort myself. It really helped! Especially the reminder of the traumatized world view: the Universe is Malevolent, Life is Meaningless, and the Self is Unworthy. O yes, that’s exactly how I felt. So then I reminded myself that I don’t believe that. I may get caught in feeling it, but I really believe that the Universe is Benevolent, Life is Meaningful, and the Self is Worthy. So then I began to feel better and went out with the dog (& walked to the new culvert) and did errands downtown.
In Common Shock, Kathy Weingarten defines the trauma based world view. She says a child brought up with “good enough” parents will have as a foundation the deep belief that the World is Benevolent, Life is Meaningful, the Self is Worthy. Trauma breaks this sense of safety, for the traumatized person suddenly the World is Malevolent, Life is Meaningless, and the Self is Not Worthy. I have found these concepts really helpful as you can see here. The book has a lot to say about the trauma that happens to people witnessing another’s trauma: Emergency Room people, Police, EMTs, etc.