Saturday
I went to see Damien again, hoping that if he gets a little familiar with me, the transition to my house won’t be so hard. But it was a little disappointing. He was grumpy when I got there, possibly because I had to knock on the door and that set all the dogs off. He may have been triggered, not grumpy. But he’s really a scruffy little dog with skinny paws and clicking toenails. I remember Bella’s fluffy paws with a small ache.
I sit on the floor as I did last time, so as not to scare him. I’m also about four feet away. I toss a treat over near his bed and, hesitating a little, he comes out to get it. Then I put a treat a little nearer me and he comes for that too. Finally I did get him to come and eat from my hand. But he’s really not attractive.
His foster mother Karen told me one of her dogs started out fearful, but after she had worked with her for while she didn’t want to let her go, so she kept her. She’s also got attached to Damien, and is hoping he’ll find a better home with me. I’ll be able to spend a lot more time with him. I’m a little worried now, because I don’t really feel drawn to him at all. I had moments of fear in the pit of my stomach that I would have to say I can’t take him after all. I hope that will change. I hope that I will be able to help him learn and grow and come to have a more normal doggie life.
Sunday
Very mixed feelings about Damien. He’s ugly. Skinny bowed legs. Scruffy fur. Can’t imagine coming to love him. But I remember how Jo loved Biscuit, and she was an ugly little thing. She had character. I can’t tell if Damien has character. Karen said he had an “attitude.” I’m not sure I want a dog with “attitude.” Though I suppose you could say that Bella had “attitude.”
Well, I’m totally relaxed now, instead of terrified as I was yesterday. I don’t love Damien, but I don’t think I see enough to know who he really is, and that’s what I need to be able to love him. I feel a little more certain that love will come, than that it won’t.
I’ve been reading Rob Bell, reminded that Jesus came to the poor and outcast, to the ugly, and traumatized, and fearful. So this may be my part of Jesus’ work. Rescuing an unloved and damaged dog is no different than reclaiming a polluted river. It’s all a part of Tikkun Olam.
I’m all alone with Damien. Karen has gone out. He’s mostly on his bed, except when I put out treats. He’s looking much more attractive to me this morning, his eyes are softer. He’s also clear when he’s had enough. When he takes the treat from my hand, after being coaxed with several treats on the floor between us, he goes back to his bed. Then I ignore him for a while, reading Rob Bell, and then I put out more treats.
I got up to go to the bathroom, and while I was gone he came over to smell my bag and the other stuff I’ve left on the floor. When I came back out he retreated to his bed.
Monday
Painfully lonely. It’s hard waking up in a place with no people. No other living being. Funny thing, when I got home last night I missed Damien. I go to pick him up next Saturday. I’m hopeful, but trying not to have expectations. It make take him a while to feel safe in a new place.