It took me a long time to be able to appreciate the things I actually accomplished. When I took the DMA course in creating what I wanted in my life, one of the exercises was the 10 successes of the day. The definition of a “success” was “you intend to do X… And you do! A success!” As a person who chronically labels what she gets done as “not good enough” I realized that here was a powerful tool for changing my life. It’s a way of building momentum on a project, and it’s also a way of giving yourself a sense of efficacy when you’re deeply depressed. You intend to get out of bed, and you do! A success! You intend to make a cup of tea and you do! A success! You intend to drink the tea and you do! A success! Unfortunately, though I used the technique regularly, I never actually felt a sense of satisfaction. I would periodically go back to it — in my studio I found a little book where I started to record the successes in colored pens. But I didn’t keep it going more than a month.
After I began Somatic Experiencing, and understood that what you felt in your body was what really counted, I deliberately began to use “(good for me!)” whenever I did something relatively big, and then I started doing it when I did something small that was or had been hard for me.
March 2006
Got past the picnic table to the 8 mile mark (good for me!) Baked the flowers & fish for the World and made an apple crisp (good for me!)
November 2006
Did walk the dog to the picnic table (good for me!) That’s an index of how much better I’m feeling.
February 2007
Dave said the triggers were “relational”, that I should avoid toxic relationships like R and surround myself with supportive ones, which is what I’ve done. (Good for me!)
April 2007
One if the things I did yesterday morning was type up the minutes from the board meeting. It was hard, in the teeth of that breathless feeling but I did it. (Good for me!)
June 2007
On Saturday I went to Agway to get geraniums for the barrel outside Neskaya. I got some marigolds and ageratum and baby’s breath too. I didn’t feel scared at all! as I have in the past. So exciting! I got a bag of manure/humus too. (Good for me!)
October 2007
I had been playing Od Lo Ahatvi Dai to check the version for Cathy and I started dancing to it. I haven’t had that kind of energy for over a month (good for me!)
February 2008
I took all the tax stuff in to McMahon & Christopher. I went through all 3 checkbooks & wrote down the medical checks & added them up (good for me!)
I alphabetized the Bach flower remedy information, and trashed about 150 emails (good for me!) I still have to take charge of the Charitable Contributions. I want to get it down to a system so I don’t feel so overwhelmed.
July 2008
I got the cuttings (that have been sitting in water for a long time) into pots and did a laundry. (Good for me!)
September 2008
I managed to call Peckett’s about the holes in the driveways due to rain yesterday in my window of feeling OK. (Good for me!) He’ll come today or tomorrow & fix both.
October 2008
Saw my psychiatrist. She has been reading Waking the Tiger & was interested in the process. So I described the activation & got a little activated & then described the images of geologic process and it helped the activation dissipate (good for me!) I also saw how the geologic cycle mirrors the trauma cycle: activation meets resistance and freezes, resistance titrated away, frozen mass begins to disintegrate and collapse. Amazing!
Spent most of the day ironing cloth & putting up cup hooks. Made & decanted soup in the evening. (Good for me!)
In the afternoon I did a huge bunch of errands: hardware store for stovepipe plug, post office, Rhino, bookstore, Mac’s, library, and bank. (Good for me!)
Printed out a lot of pages (about 30) of 2008 journal and started reading from the beginning. It’s been a big year, it almost feels like a lifetime since January. I also hung up the brown box in the bedroom (good for me!) 8)
November 2008
I did manage to straighten up the house quite a bit, deal with mail, take care of gift subscriptions. I even trashed a lot of email (good for me!) 8) tee hee
This one was posted May 11, 2011
SO. I did all these things despite being afraid when I thought about them:
1) taught dance
2) took a shower
3) made supper & ate it
4) called Lore for an appt
5) called Kellie for an appt
6) watered the plants
7) made an appt wed to get snow tires on
8) cut Bella’s nails on her front feet (good for me!) 8)
I notice that I REALLY began using the technique when I fell so badly into depression & terror in the fall of 2008. And it finally began to work. Now I’m able to actually HAVE a feeling of satisfaction when I get something done (no matter how small) I typed all that up today! (Good for me! 8) ) And I’m really enjoying putting in smiley faces!! But I still don’t know why they happen when they happen. I took out the ones that stayed (8))
DMA is a course in creating your life developed by Robert Fritz, now called Technologies for Creating.