(Written in October 2008)
Yesterday I had some times of being completely relaxed, feeling my whole body sinking down. It felt wonderful. At the moment, I feel that fullness in the chest and it keeps me from that complete relaxing. I can feel that my legs & arms are relaxed.
Investigate the feeling in my chest. It fills my whole chest, there’s a kind of expansive pressure and the energy squeezes out or pushes up into the sides of my neck and jaw, and a little down the insides of my arms. Its color is yellow. It’s a little like a hydraulic fluid — dense and under pressure. Now it’s eased in my chest but gotten stronger in my neck and head. I keep consciously relaxing.
Here comes another wave. It starts in the center of my chest and aches — like a lump in the throat. Now it’s eased and become an ache at the back of my skull.
Session with Caryn. Explored the feeling of activation in my chest. Connected it to difficulty breathing — possibly birth or the Nia fall — anyway I found there was pressure when I breathed out. Caryn suggested it might have to do with birth and talked about “coming in gently this time,” and I started to cry. Then I lay on my side & just explored my breathing, trying to be as gentle as possible, allowing the breath to come & go easily, taking small breaths. There were a lot of small shifts in the breathing. Then my right hand wanted to move, and I found myself doing a motion learned with Kevin — pushing my foot against the baseboard, my back against the other wall, and my hand opening & stretching. That led to work allowing my hand to receive sensation from the floor. I had had a pre-movement sense of pushing with my legs against the wall and pushing myself out straight and a image of my body going through an opening with a gush of water. Finally I did it, pushed myself right off the cushion and on to the floor. It felt wonderful! Caryn said I looked completely different.