(Written in September 2009)
I wanted to think a little about what I’m doing with this piece of my life. I’m working at a very deep level to try to find or create a stable foundation for my life. This foundation has to do with weight: feeling my weight sink down, feeling gravity as a direction, feeling the earth supporting me. Learning to have my body and breath be a resource for me because they are always with me. I need to be with Caryn to actually do the work, but I can practice on my own. I have no idea how long it’s going to take, and that’s discouraging. And Caryn’s going to be away a lot this fall, so I have to find ways of supporting myself while she’s gone.
Dear Baby Jenny, my intent and my commitment is to stay here with you so you won’t be alone with your feelings of terror and despair. I want you to feel all your feelings, even the difficult and unpleasant ones. I find them difficult and unpleasant too, but I’m willing to feel them because I’m convinced that only by feeling them can I/we heal them. I love you very much, I’m glad I have you in my life, and you and your healing is my first priority.