From my journal for December 11, 1995
And now for something completely different! I’m feeling much better this morning. I find it interesting how easily and completely I can flip from “depressed” to “normal” under certain conditions. Yesterday we danced at Neskaya for the first time. I would say that this activity distracted me from my pain — but it’s done more than that. On the other hand, by no stretch of the imagination do I consider myself “healed” — in the ups & downs of the long climb out of depression this seems to be a longer “up.” I still feel that there is a large piece of work that needs to be done on accepting myself as I am. (It occurs to be with some surprise, that “as I am” includes the person who is building Neskaya, who teaches circle dance, as well as the one who is sick a lot and can’t get her house organized.)
Neskaya. I went over early and set up, black burlap, mirror, candles, Christmas lights. I also lit some frankincense because it smelled rather industrial inside. Dana called Peckett’s and they plowed so no one had trouble getting in. There were just four of us: Jenny, Sybil, Evvie, and Judy came later. It was quite magical, like dancing in a cave. It is a wonderful sacred space.
At this point the windows were covered with plastic, nothing was painted yet, we were dancing on the slab. I don’t mention it, but I think of the post the bureaucracy demanded we put in the center because the roof would sink when we put on the concrete. They were wrong. Hyperbolic paraboloids are very strong. The post was still 3/4 of an inch above the surface. I think I wound the Christmas lights around it.