Somatic Experiencing

(Written in January 2011)
It really helped to see Caryn.  I told her about how tired I’ve been feeling.  She said “How does that feel in your body?” Relaxed & heavy.  I told her I’d been doing stretches & the fold without the bolster.  She was delighted, says that’s major healing, especially how my right ankle is OK with lying flat.  She says my body is much softer.  I told her about the women in Enduring Lives, & St Teresa saying at first you have to dig — and I mimed digging — but eventually it begins to flow — and I made a gesture like bringing down rain.  I said I was angry and jealous that I hadn’t got to that point.  She said you’ve done a lot of digging.  I agreed.  Then she said it was the first time I’d make that gesture of bringing something down.  She said it was always coming down and all I had to do was let it in drop by drop.  I told her about the idea that when you were on your true path, synchronicities would help and support you on your way.  I reminded her of my experience of god and shells and asked “Do I need to let go of the slide show?” She thought I should call Anthony and see if there’s something I could do to help him get the tape converted to digital.  Then I said I wanted to work on my neck.  She asked how I spend most of my time.  Sitting on this couch with a slightly slumped posture.  She said it would be better if I could either find a way to sit up on the couch, or get up periodically to ease my body.  I’m sitting straighter now, tho not how it would be if I were on a cushion.  I’ve put the journal on the cushion to raise it up higher.  That helps some.  Ideally I could sit on a cushion on the floor and write on a low table.  The trouble is I like being near the fire, I like having the dog next to me, I like having the view of the patio.  I’ll work something out.  Caryn showed me how to roll & pour my head in a limited space with a folded blanket for my head.  I could do it in the loft after doing my stretches.
O yes, when Caryn talked about how I had worked so hard, & needed to rest from my labors, it occurred to me that maybe I needed to spend down time, integrating, before I’ll be ready to do the slide show.  In which case, the delay has been necessary.  Having that interpretation helped a lot, allowed me to accept the delay, and paradoxically I started to have more energy.  Though that was already happening on Sunday when I walked to Skogumchuk and danced Santiago.