Tough day

(Written in January 2009)
Yesterday was pretty tough, even in the evening I was having waves of that deadly heavy feeling that I have trouble naming.  Heavy duty cold despair: “What’s the point.” Fortunately it doesn’t last long.
One thing I remembered & thought about was the time I imagined all the Jennys who were involved in one of those tangles: the traumatized baby, the tough little drip who just won’t quit, etc.  It was comforting to me, and I wonder about trying it again now.  There’s one who’s feeling completely despairing, finding it much too hard to keep going, one that’s totally overwhelmed and can’t move at all, one that’s scared if I don’t do something I’ll be stuck here forever.  There’s one who wants to be loving, but her heart is frozen — she’s in too much pain fear and despair, and another one is angry at herself for not being able to just overcome the pain and loss and misery.  O gosh I can feel a softening in my heart when I think about her.