(Written January 2008)
Had a bad shock yesterday. I was reading Deena Metzger’s book (From Grief to Vision) & there was something about the peat bogs in Siberia releasing methane as they melt — an irreversible process — it may already be too late. Suddenly I went into hopeless/helpless/freeze. I couldn’t do a thing — not cut Bella’s nails, deal with paperwork, bring in wood. I sat on the couch staring & finally thought I’d better go over to Neskaya, to Kayla & Ellen, & get help. So I did. I also took flower essences: Elm, Star of Bethlehem, Heart Support, PTSD. I told them what I was upset about, & cried & got hugs. Then I saw that I was in the state of a baby whose Mom has left: “She’s never coming back!” Then I curled up on the couch with tea and The Mists of Avalon. It took a while, but I did recover, but I stayed weak & shaky all day.
Last night’s program was terrific. Noah had emailed that he was bringing some people he works with who are from South America, so we put together a South American program. The joyous energy really brought me back up: Quirquinchos de Corazon! Tres Golpes! There were 4 students — 2 from Brazil, 2 from Argentina. One of them pointed to the armadillos (from Oaxaca) on the center and said they were “quirquinchos”.