In a bodywork session in January 2008 I had an experience that, in retrospect, sounds an awful lot like what Eve Ensler described for Occupy Wall Street: “I had the fortune to spend the night with a group of about 30 occupiers – the talk could have gone on through the early morning. The depth of the conversation, the intensity of the seeking, the complexity of ideas were startling. But, what moved me even more was the respect, the way people listened to each other and honored and appreciated each other.” It was posted on February 20, 2010. Now I wonder: does this represent the “Occupy Jenny” movement? Am I going to turn into a butterfly?
Paying attention to the tight place in my belly, to when it loosens, flaps, bubbles up with my breathing, and when it tightens. This is my dowsing rod, my guide, helping me to identify which of the multitudes of voices inside are speaking at any time: the indigenous ones who trust the wisdom of the body, the ones who know what I need for healing, the white male oppressors who complain this is not “scientific”, and all the little traumatized children who are afraid of the process. The multitudes grew into a huge crowd with placards and banners. I had a sense of parts of me disintegrating, a sensation familiar from Somatic Experiencing, which I used to find scary, but now welcome as an indication of healing. Old frozen patterns are breaking up like ice in spring. In the crowd, people began talking to each other: arguing, discussing, negotiating, communicating. I became curious about the ones who were on the side of the disbelievers, the oppressors. After a long moment, two figures shuffled forward. Shriveled versions of Mom & Dad. I understood that all the oppressive voices were frightened children desperate for security. I found myself saying: I disagree with you, but I keep a space open for you because you are part of the whole. I could feel my acceptance of all the dark rigid pieces inside me and I became whole. I am the planet — there are elephants in my bloodstream. Kevin asked “what does that feel like in your body?” A sense of wholeness, really filling out my skin, denseness and texture inside. Not heavier, but more alive.