Gratitude

(Written in May 2011)
Lately I’ve had blowing through me an enormous rush of gratitude for depression and PTSD, because it kept me from falling into the numerous pitfalls that are available in our culture.  I’m not sure where this has come from.  Maybe from Ram Dass, Still Here, where he recounts all his attachments to roles.  This was a surprise to me, I thought he’d done more spiritual work than that.  Also Byron Katie — the beliefs that people need to work their way through, that I’ve already dropped.  Maybe it’s Ram Dass talking about the difficulties of aging, especially the loss of roles like “productive worker”, the attempts to hang on to youth through exercise, surgery, hair dye, etc.  And I think I’ve really been lucky.  I remember my first grey hairs at age 28, and feeling proud of them.  “I’ve earned them.” I’ve had some difficulties with the waning of my energy, but then that’s been an issue for so long and I’ve been working on letting go of the pushpushpush.  Even the waning of my sexual energy — that’s been such a relief.  O yes, listening to David Whyte on the trip to Holderness, he’s talking about the ‘pitfalls’, Robert Bly’s black bag which holds all the rejected parts of you — I don’t have any rejected parts any more.  Maybe that’s why the full acceptance of the traumatized baby and the angry 5 yr-old has brought me to this sense of coming to a threshold.  I’m all here now.  Good work Jenny!

This entry was posted in Healing. Bookmark the permalink.