(Written in September 2008.  A longer version of this was posted 4/17/10)

I’m doing pretty badly.  I keep having waves of fear — tho they do pass.   I talked to Dr. L & she said to raise the meds to 150 I and 40 Buspar.  So I took extra in the middle of the day.  If it doesn’t work I will ask her to prescribe Adivam — at least I know that works with Imipramine.
And if that doesn’t work, I’m seriously considering going into the hospital — Lore recommended the one in Berlin/Montpelier and Karen has had patients there and knows some of the staff.

Slept hardly at all, 2 hrs before midnight but nothing after that.  Anxiety has spiralled out of control.  I’m too exhausted to do any of my coping strategies — EFT, yoga breathing.  I can’t even read.  I left a message for Dr. L asking her to prescribe Adivam — since I know I’m OK with it.  I don’t dare try anything new.  I think what’s happening is flashbacks to the Paxil episode.

I quit this morning.  Just gave up the struggle and put myself in the hands of  …  whoever.

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