(Written in January 2011)
-25°. A white world and a clear sky. The waning moon in a clear sky looks like a jewel lying on silk, an opal maybe. There are no words for how beautiful it is. As the sky gets lighter still, the moon fades, losing its glow and its 3-D quality, becoming flat, a torn bit of lace, a paper mask.
Had a bit of a visit with Daria yesterday. Can’t remember how it started, maybe I asked her about faith. She said she had put together something that worked for her, maybe some form of reincarnation. Then she asked her father, and what he said really shook her foundation. She wishes now she’d asked him more before he died. But at the time she’d assumed he thought the way she did, so it was a shock. Their foundation was in Quakerism. I said I believed in reincarnation because people were born with such wildly differing skills & knowledge, and it could take a whole lifetime to work on a single problem. I told her I had been a little upset by Tenzin Palmo who said that everyone was reborn, but only those who had developed a strong enough spirit that they could control their next birth – only these were reincarnated. Then I told her the thing I once told Kevin, that if my work on myself resulted in a better life for whoever got that chunk of energy, I would feel my life had not been wasted. After talking with Daria I went on to think that if my healing work on myself is changing the human energy field, then that’s a tremendous contribution. (Of course, that’s what Tenzin Palmo was doing in her cave, and why the Dalai Lama told her to go back.) It’s not Neskaya, the building and the corporation that counts, but the good changes in people’s lives that have resulted. I feel like I’m now understanding the words about “lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven” because changes in consciousness will go on, and have ripple effects. I think of two psychic friends who told me that what we do at Neskaya has results bigger than the earth.
Still feeling pretty good. The revelation that my true work is in the invisible realm and therefore something eternal, something that lasts, is not wasted, goes on contributing, or goes on changing in a positive direction — I don’t know how to get it into words. I thought of trying to tell Eleanor last night, but didn’t. I think because of the difficulty putting it into words. She already knows it, I think that’s what she meant when she said “When we don’t give up, don’t commit suicide, then we are helping god.”