The “Wiggly One”

(Written July 2010)
I was feeling so sad all yesterday morning that I went to talk to Lynelle.  What had come to me was it was about the work with Caryn and trying to bring the Zen me and the wiggly me together and realizing how much of my life I never got to live.  I was able to cry again and that really helped.  Feeling sad now is helping me soften around the fear.
Dear Child, you have done nothing wrong.  It’s true that your mother hated you, she was jealous of your exuberance and intelligence and curiosity and creativity, and she did her best to crush those parts of you.  They are not bad and wicked as she taught you, they are your gifts to the world, your true self, your soul.  Yes it is sad that so little of that got to live in your life.  But more of her lives in your life than you think.  Her energy helped create Neskaya, and the spirit figures, and the other decorations, she burst out in the writing about the “Truth Express”, she drove Tiga with loud music during the time of Journey into Courage, she burst out in the Torah of Jenny.  When I told Lynelle the story of mother’s disgust at “wiggling around” she said it’s amazing I can even dance at all, and she’s right.  That part of me was just too strong, my essential strength, my soul.