Found while converting April 1994
Mary and Bess came to film (or videotape) an interview with me for the Journey into Courage video. It was quite an experience.
Some of the interview questions were expected “How did you hear about Journey?” Some were not — and got me thinking about things in new ways. Bess asked something about my anger, which surprised me, I don’t think of myself as an angry person. But I guess one of the gifts of Journey is the ability to use my anger, consciously and effectively, in the service of what I value. She also asked about my spirituality, and I think I did manage to say something about the sacredness of every day things. She asked me about the advantages and disadvantages of growing up wealthy, I said something about not experiencing myself as “wealthy”, but that I was glad for a good education, that the money gave me time, time to write in my journal and to explore my psyche, and made it possible to see good therapists.
Bess and Mary commented on how well I was able to articulate the answers to some of the questions. Bess said “You’re so succinct that sometimes you answer five of my questions at once.” I was thinking about how that is part of my cosmic job, to speak for the voiceless, to articulate what other people feel, but can’t express in words. I have been angry that a person of intelligence wealth and creativity had her life so damaged by childhood abuse that she has never been able to live up to her promise. But something that is desperately needed in our culture right now is for someone to speak out about the plight of abused children: and who can do that better than a person who is articulate and intelligent, who was herself abused, who has money and time to do the therapy, to work to understand what happened to her, and to write about it. If I chose this life, if I chose to be born to abusive parents, it was for the same reason that a reporter risks his/her life to go into a war zone, to be a witness, to send back reports of what is happening on the battlefield.
One thing I didn’t get to say, was how I did Journey not for other women, but for myself, to tell my story and be heard.
When it was time to go to bed, I discovered that I felt so good in my body that it was hard to go to sleep. It felt like a lot of little doors in me, that are normally shut down, were now wide open. It felt like I had really been appreciated for the very first time. It felt wonderful. And I notice today that my body feels better, not so stiff and sore.
For another take on what this interview meant for me, see Keeper of the Calendar