(Written in August 2009)
\n\tKaren was helpful. I\u2019m beginning to tease apart the triggered state and the reality of my life now. Driving over I had that sense of tunnel vision that I see as being a clue that I\u2019m dissociated. Paying attention, I notice that it\u2019s like my whole body is in a cylinder that\u2019s restricting, that\u2019s trying to make me be smaller. It reminds me of the way I walk that Caryn demonstrated. I\u2019m beginning to see that the sense of urgency that I feel \u2014 got to DO something \u2014 belongs to the state itself and not to reality. So I\u2019m more able to just be with the state itself \u2014 tho it\u2019s uncomfortable and unpleasant \u2014 trusting that it will eventually end. Certainly this morning I\u2019m much better, tho a little tired and sad.
\n\tReading over 2007 to look for affirming passages, reminded me that I actually had a lot of time feeling good about myself and my life. What\u2019s different now is that I\u2019m including the traumatized baby as part of me, and part of my life. Then, I saw the \u201creal me\u201d as the radiant priestess, now I see the \u201creal me\u201d as including the traumatized baby, and the \u201ctough little drip\u201d, the whole committee, \u201cthis little group of jennys, bless them.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in August 2009) Karen was helpful. I\u2019m beginning to tease apart the triggered state and the reality of my life now. Driving over I had that sense of tunnel vision that I see as being a clue that I\u2019m … Continue reading