This is the first post in a while. \u00a0I’ve been having a really hard time, had to move to the Health Center where I could be taken care of. \u00a0If I hadn’t found this piece of writing, written when I was still somewhat coherent, I wouldn’t be posting anything this soon.<\/p>\n
Written in Tuesday night writing group:
\nWanted to write about how awful I was feeling before I worked with Erica and found out it was parts. \u00a0Very young parts, non-verbal. \u00a0Which means I couldn’t think and it felt awful. \u00a0Actually I was taken over by a part who was so young it didn’t speak. \u00a0So I couldn’t speak. \u00a0Very different from meditating, or being in a mystical state \u2014 which I’m not sure I know what that is. \u00a0What was so awful about it was feeling trapped in a non-verbal state: unable to speak, even unable to think because thinking needs words. \u00a0Trapped in a non-verbal state, unable to think because thinking needs words. \u00a0I felt without power to communicate, no way to talk about my experience. \u00a0What I had to do was separate from the part and become what Erica calls “your youest you,” who you really are. \u00a0That one was able to tune in to the past, and sense about what was going on. \u00a0Had to express it in terms of feelings because the part couldn’t talk about its experience. \u00a0I had to guess at what it was feeling, express it in sensory terms, and see if that’s what the part was feeling. \u00a0As I began to tune in to it, I started being able to reassure the part that it was OK, that I cared about it, that I understood how hard it was to have such uncomfortable trapped feelings. \u00a0It turned out that one part had been left alone \u2014 which of course was how I got traumatized \u2014 and that the second part had not only been left alone, but had been rejected forcefully. \u00a0I was able to talk to the part about how painful that would be, and so was able to establish a connection. \u00a0Then it seemed like the connection between me and the part had to be established over and over again. \u00a0We would make connection, but then lose it, and this happened over and over. \u00a0It may take some time and a lot of work to establish a connection that lasts. \u00a0A long time and a lot of work of connecting over and over again. \u00a0Well, I am certainly willing. \u00a0I feel connected to these two parts because of their pain, even when they don’t feel connected to me.<\/p>\n
I feel that this explains the process pretty well.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This is the first post in a while. \u00a0I’ve been having a really hard time, had to move to the Health Center where I could be taken care of. \u00a0If I hadn’t found this piece of writing, written when I … Continue reading