From my journal for March 13, 1997<\/p>\n
It\u2019s so sad…\u00a0 <\/span>Dana has had too many experiences of women who wouldn\u2019t or couldn\u2019t make love to him, and I\u2019ve had too many experiences of being replaced by someone else, starting with Pete Visser and Diana<\/a>.<\/p>\n
I also see that we each need a very different sort of sexual partner, to help us get over the hump of disappointment and try to be sexual again.\u00a0 <\/span>Dana needs someone who really wants to go to bed with him and can enjoy sex in a lusty, vigorous way.\u00a0 <\/span>I need someone who has enough confidence in his own sexuality to be really patient, but also persistent (Dana just gave up) to be OK with me saying no or wanting to go very slowly, someone who is experienced in handling female bodies.\u00a0 <\/span>I didn\u2019t realize, until we started really talking about it, how little sexual experience he had had before he met me.\u00a0 <\/span>I remember being uncomfortable with a way that he would grab me and trying to get him to touch me a little more gently.\u00a0 <\/span>I now see that his coarseness of touch was due to lack of experience, and fear of being rejected.<\/p>\n
Dr. Rankin was indignant that Dana and Mr. Waterson had sat there talking about how Dana could find a sexual partner.\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWere you being a \u2018good girl\u2019 and going along with your own abuse?\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>I realized she was right, that I hadn\u2019t felt safe enough to have my real feelings until we got home.\u00a0 <\/span>She said \u201cI see that you\u2019ve both made it be that you\u2019re the one with the problem.\u00a0 <\/span>But what if Dana<\/span> is part of the problem?\u00a0 <\/span>Wouldn\u2019t you do better to be seeing a sex therapist and getting your own relationship straightened out?\u201d<\/p>\n
I realize that I feel very hurt and very angry.\u00a0 <\/span>I do<\/span> feel \u201clet down\u201d by Dana.\u00a0 <\/span>A different man, with more sexual confidence, would not have given up, would have taken the abuse issue as meaning he needed to be more careful, gentle, and patient, not taking it as an excuse to quit.\u00a0 <\/span>Because Dana simply stopped approaching me sexually, while I was partly relieved not to have the pressure and the difficulty and discouragement, I also ended up feeling that he was no longer interested in me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
What a totally impossible situation! \u00a0No wonder we weren’t able to create a lasting relationship. And I still didn’t know about being traumatized and how that affected my ability to be sexual.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
From my journal for March 13, 1997 It\u2019s so sad…\u00a0 Dana has had too many experiences of women who wouldn\u2019t or couldn\u2019t make love to him, and I\u2019ve had too many experiences of being replaced by someone else, starting with … Continue reading