From my journal for August 27, 1996<\/p>\n
I thought about the phrase that moved me at the Church services this week \u2014 something about how God will comfort thy waste places o Israel.\u00a0 <\/span>Again I let myself feel how empty and wasted I feel inside, and how much I wanted God \u2014 the god out there \u2014 to fill me with compassion.\u00a0 <\/span>My heart was filled with burning pain.<\/p>\n
Suddenly it occurred to me: suppose god is in the center of my heart.\u00a0 <\/span>That god, who created me, who is me, my deepest self, my most real Self.\u00a0 <\/span>Then my heart changed, became an open chamber with a deep, deep root (It\u2019s great white elephants all the way down.)\u00a0 <\/span>How amazing!\u00a0 <\/span>Easter in the soul.\u00a0 <\/span>I stayed with the feeling for quite a long time \u2014 still an emptiness, but what a different emptiness \u2014 an emptiness rooted in great depths.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I have been going to the Episcopal Church in St. Johnsbury, with a friend of mine.<\/p>\n
I do not remember this experience at all. I went right back to feeling terrified most of the time. Alas, This kind of thing happens when I don’t have an agenda. I “let myself feel how much I wanted God” and behold: “Easter in the soul.” Then I try to make it happen again, but now I’m doing whatever it is to make something happen, and it has to be completely without agenda to work. So frustrating!<\/p>\n
I remember how I found the shells<\/a> on the beach \u2014 I had to give up trying. I had to talk to God and let go of finding any shells. And then I found a double handful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
From my journal for August 27, 1996 I thought about the phrase that moved me at the Church services this week \u2014 something about how God will comfort thy waste places o Israel.\u00a0 Again I let myself feel how empty … Continue reading