{"id":8533,"date":"2024-07-07T09:47:25","date_gmt":"2024-07-07T13:47:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=8533"},"modified":"2024-07-07T09:47:25","modified_gmt":"2024-07-07T13:47:25","slug":"1995-i-want-to-feel-that-my-life-has-meaning","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=8533","title":{"rendered":"1995: I Want to Feel that My Life has Meaning"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>From my journal for September 19, 1995<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Last night I decided that I wasn\u2019t going to fight my depression because there\u2019s a way in which it feels restful. &#8230;<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>I see that what I want is not to be happy, or to accomplish certain projects like the dollhouse and the teal dress, or even enjoy working on such projects \u2014 which look pretty minimal and meaningless in the grey light of my depression \u2014 what I want is to feel that my life has meaning.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>If I felt connected to the meaning of my life, doing or not doing projects would fall into place: I would either find motivation for doing them, or be easy with myself when I couldn\u2019t do them.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8220;Finding motivation for doing a project and being comfortable with myself when I don&#8217;t have motivation.&#8221; This is exactly why doing the blog is perfect for me now. Do I feel that my life has meaning? I think <a href=\"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=7989\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Neskaya<\/a> is the biggest part of it, but the blog feels meaningful too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>From my journal for September 19, 1995 Last night I decided that I wasn\u2019t going to fight my depression because there\u2019s a way in which it feels restful. &#8230;\u00a0 I see that what I want is not to be happy, &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=8533\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,9,20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8533","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-depression","category-journal","category-vocation"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8533","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8533"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8533\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8533"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8533"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8533"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}