From my journal for January 28, 1996<\/p>\n
Dana said something about \u201clife moving in to fill every niche.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s a lovely image, and it reminded me of what Beverly said about seeds wanting to grow \u2014 and I see the degree to which I\u2019m imprisoned by the idea that if I don\u2019t do something, nothing will happen.\u00a0 <\/span>Actually, it\u2019s not as grandiose as that \u2014 obviously lots of things happen without my intervention from changing seasons to political elections.\u00a0 <\/span>I think what I mean\/feel is that no positive change will happen in my life: I have no sense of a process that carries me, supports me, heals me, nourishes me, brings new and good things into my life.\u00a0 <\/span>Instead I feel like I\u2019m always struggling against something that drains and debilitates me, that constant quicksand that I\u2019m always trying to hold myself up out of.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I see the damage done by alcoholic parents who failed to support me, and expected me to do things, like take care of my younger siblings, that I was too young to know how to do. No wonder I feel so unsupported still<\/span>. They never supported me, or encouraged me to ask for help<\/a>. I remember once hearing them say “We were so smart to raise a baby-sitter before we raised a family.” I remember thinking, “Yes, and the “baby-sitter” went on to get a degree with honors from Wellesley.” So at least by that time I had learned that I was good for something more than baby-sitting.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
From my journal for January 28, 1996 Dana said something about \u201clife moving in to fill every niche.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s a lovely image, and it reminded me of what Beverly said about seeds wanting to grow \u2014 and I see the … Continue reading