Written in writing group, Monday, March 18<\/p>\n
Well.\u00a0 <\/span>What\u2019s going on?\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019ve been scared a lot this morning.\u00a0 <\/span>Mostly I\u2019m worried about not being able to deal with complex arrangements around my surgery.\u00a0 <\/span>Not having to do with the surgery itself, but with the arrangements I have to make for Mocha.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019ll need to find a place for her to stay during the day of my operation.\u00a0 <\/span>I wonder about asking Susan P.\u00a0 <\/span>There\u2019s also the question of how to tell people how much food to give her.\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe I could do a breakfast that could be set out at the right time.<\/p>\n O gosh I wish I weren\u2019t so tired.\u00a0 Last night\u00a0<\/span>I got the best sleep I\u2019ve had since this whole thing began.<\/p>\n Solving the practical problem of Mocha so I can stay in the health center overnight after the operation.\u00a0 <\/span>Which I think is a good idea.\u00a0 <\/span>Not to be alone.\u00a0 <\/span>Have help right there if I need it.<\/p>\n Not to be alone.\u00a0 <\/span>Have help right there if I need it.\u00a0 <\/span>Have I ever had that?\u00a0 <\/span>So much of my life I have been alone.\u00a0 <\/span>Had to take care of myself because there was no one else.\u00a0 <\/span>That was even how I felt as a child.\u00a0 <\/span>Mom & Dad weren\u2019t very good at help and support, at encouraging and explaining.\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t know why.\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe they didn\u2019t get encouragement or support or explanations from their parents.\u00a0 <\/span>I always believed I wasn\u2019t worth taking time and trouble for.\u00a0 <\/span>It still astounds me when someone offers to help, letting me know I\u2019m important to them.<\/p>\n I look out the window.\u00a0 <\/span>There\u2019s a little blue sky between the clouds.\u00a0 <\/span>Lots of branches and twigs of leafless trees.\u00a0 <\/span>Brown, dead, grass barely starting to turn green.\u00a0 <\/span>Will spring ever come?\u00a0 <\/span>Or will it be endless, empty, winter.\u00a0 <\/span>Endless cold in my heart.\u00a0 <\/span>Alone, cold, empty.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Written in writing group, Monday, March 18 Well.\u00a0 What\u2019s going on?\u00a0 I\u2019ve been scared a lot this morning.\u00a0 Mostly I\u2019m worried about not being able to deal with complex arrangements around my surgery.\u00a0 Not having to do with the surgery … Continue reading