Seligman talks about the pessimistic worldview which sees that problems are “permanent, pervasive, and personal,” and describes the “ABC technique” for dealing with each element one by one.<\/p>\n
From my journal for December 21, 1995<\/p>\n
I had a bad night last night.\u00a0 <\/span>I was able to get to sleep, but woke about quarter of one feeling just awful.\u00a0 <\/span>It was hard to tell whether it was physical or psychological.\u00a0 <\/span>I felt a degree of irritability that\u2019s beyond anything I\u2019ve felt before \u2014\u00a0 <\/span>I tried to do the ABC technique, but I concluded that I didn\u2019t know what was causing my feelings, so I couldn\u2019t convince myself that it was temporary.\u00a0 <\/span>I see that illness is<\/span> pervasive, that\u2019s not a belief, that\u2019s a reality, it does<\/span> significantly undermine most other areas of my life.\u00a0 <\/span>And as for whether the cause is external or personal, that\u2019s hard to tell too \u2014 do I feel so awful because I\u2019m coming down with flu? because I ate potatoes for dinner? because I\u2019m too pessimistic?\u00a0 <\/span>I forgot to add menopause into the equation.\u00a0 <\/span>I also see that illness is an experience of being attacked by one\u2019s own body, so it feels like something about me that I can\u2019t change \u2014 permanent, pervasive, personal.\u00a0 <\/span>No wonder I have such a hard time with being sick!\u00a0 <\/span>And it\u2019s a vicious circle if the pessimistic feelings affect my immune system in a negative way. \u00a0 <\/span>…<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
It’s interesting that the belief that I have caused something gives me the illusion that I can make it stop, but it also restricts me to what I can do and what I know about. Then I say that illness is an “experience of being attacked by one’s own body” but I seem to have no idea that the body has healing powers of its own.<\/p>\n
This morning it was more clear that I was \u201cjust sick\u201d instead of eternally damned, I had a headache at the back of the head, a slight sore throat, and was more ache-all-over than irritable.\u00a0 <\/span>…\u00a0 <\/span>I went to talk to Dana, and all my horrible feelings just bubbled up and boiled over.\u00a0 <\/span>He was a little upset that I was so upset, talking about stopping eating etc, and also annoyed with me for talking so fast and compulsively that he could hardly think about what I was saying.\u00a0 <\/span>But he was able to bring a more balanced viewpoint to the ABC format and that helped a lot.\u00a0 <\/span>On the score of permanence, he said I\u2019m just sick, it\u2019s a different virus because the symptoms are different, I\u2019m often<\/span> sick, vulnerable to many illnesses, but I\u2019m not always<\/span> sick, I do have times of feeling better. \u00a0 <\/span>I see that a belief comes into play that if I don\u2019t know what\u2019s causing it, if I don\u2019t know what to do to make it better, then it won\u2019t get better.\u00a0 <\/span>I have no faith in any process other than my own active intervention.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
“Stopping eating” is one of my methods for committing suicide, still a possibility. The other method, a little interfered with by global warming, is to walk into the woods on a freezing night and just lie down in the snow.<\/p>\n
On the score of pervasive, it\u2019s true that illness affects every aspect of my life, but it\u2019s also true that that\u2019s only for today, I don\u2019t know about tomorrow.\u00a0 <\/span>I see that one of the painful things about being sick is that I feel sick so often, have so little energy, that most of the things I can do I\u2019ve already done.\u00a0 <\/span>I have no book to read, I\u2019m tired of writing, typing into the computer is painful, etc.\u00a0 <\/span>It occurred to me that I could work on the 3-D puzzle today \u2014 that would be fun!\u00a0 <\/span>Perhaps I could intersperse it with short bits of work organizing my desk or reshelving books.\u00a0 <\/span>I can\u2019t remember what we said about the personal\/external dimension, except for uncovering the belief that if I don\u2019t do it, it won\u2019t get done, which certainly makes any problem to which I can\u2019t see the solution look permanent instead of temporary.\u00a0 <\/span>Dana suggested focussing on today: \u201cToday I\u2019m too sick to go to Montpelier\u201d and not even thinking about tomorrow.\u00a0 <\/span>Good advice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
The belief that “if I don’t do it, it won’t get done” goes back to my parents refusal to help me with anything I was trying to do. My father told me “If you didn’t know how to do it, why did you even try?” I remember thinking “what happened to if at first you don’t succeed, try try again?” but didn’t realize the power of a parent. I think this contributed to the pattern of “concluding I can’t do it<\/a>” when something went wrong with a process I was trying to complete.<\/p>\n
The 3-D puzzle was St. Basil’s Cathedral<\/a>. After I completed it, I used it for a centerpiece for a program of Russian dancing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Seligman talks about the pessimistic worldview which sees that problems are “permanent, pervasive, and personal,” and describes the “ABC technique” for dealing with each element one by one. From my journal for December 21, 1995 I had a bad night … Continue reading