From my journal for October 18<\/p>\n
Feeling weird.\u00a0 <\/span>Woke up feeling weird.\u00a0 <\/span>Not sure I can describe it.\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t think I have a fever,\u00a0<\/span>I found my thermometer, but will have to wait, because\u00a0I already had a drink.\u00a0At the thought that I might die I feel relief.<\/p>\n A good session with Erica yesterday.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>She said of me \u201cthe deepest truth is I gave my life energy to sacred meaning.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>Yes, I think that\u2019s really true.<\/p>\n Thinking about \u201cgiving my life energy to sacred meaning.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>Teaching folk dance\/sacred dance, teaching astronomy \u2014 we live in this astonishing universe.\u00a0 <\/span>My search for truth and beauty, and trying to create them.\u00a0 <\/span>Building Neskaya<\/a>.\u00a0 <\/span>Certainly my presentation of \u201cSacred Sites<\/a>.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>I look at my angels on the wall, and the Ben Shahn<\/a>.\u00a0 <\/span>I think of the Dancer and Red Woman paintings<\/a>.\u00a0 <\/span>I never was interested in money or status.\u00a0 <\/span>All I ever wanted to do was share the things I love with people who wanted them.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve given my life energy to sacred meaning.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>I keep going back to look for it.\u00a0 <\/span>I think I\u2019ve got the words now.\u00a0 <\/span>I would never have been able to say it that way, but it feels exactly right as a description of what I have done with my life.<\/p>\n Walking Mocha, thinking about dying, I feel so happy.\u00a0 <\/span>It must be because Erica named what I have done with my life.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel complete.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel finished.\u00a0 <\/span>Now my prayer is “Thy will be done.” and \u201cThank You.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" From my journal for October 18 Feeling weird.\u00a0 Woke up feeling weird.\u00a0 Not sure I can describe it.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I have a fever,\u00a0I found my thermometer, but will have to wait, because\u00a0I already had a drink.\u00a0At the thought … Continue reading