I did the first draft of this back in October 2023. \u00a0Never finished it. Looking again at it, I see that it fits with my previous post about Vocation. \u00a0How amazing!<\/p>\n
From my journal for November 23, 1995<\/p>\n
I wake to terror.\u00a0 <\/span>My husband said yesterday that we will owe the IRS over $100,000 for this year\u2019s capital gains taxes, and that sets off a round of fear.<\/p>\n
I come up to my desk and find a note to myself:\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cCLARIFYING: Does this belong to the social-political world? or to the path with heart?\u201d and that reminds me that Neskaya is a path with heart.\u00a0 <\/span>And that starts a warmth inside and drives the fear away.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
November 24<\/p>\n
Christie said something the other day about me teaching her that it was good to cry.\u00a0 <\/span>Then Lydia and Ed and Asa showed up.\u00a0 <\/span>They prowled around here for a while, Lydia showed me a video of the short ski-skates she\u2019s been dancing on \u2014 I think I\u2019ll get a pair.\u00a0 <\/span>Then we went over to Neskaya.\u00a0 <\/span>While we were there, Lydia said something about how I had been the one who had first given her a glimpse of a different way of living.\u00a0 <\/span>(O yes, I remember lying on rubber rafts in her cove and talking about my book)\u00a0 <\/span>She said I had always been on \u201cthe cutting edge\u201d and that was a hard and lonely place to be.\u00a0 <\/span>That kind of validation and support means a lot to me right now, as I continue to struggle with the hopelessness.\u00a0 <\/span>I told her how I felt like I was \u201cexploring the bottom<\/a>,\u201d she said she had done something like that herself, described a vision of a past life in which she was killed by priests who wanted to steal her light, and she understood that they couldn\u2019t do it.\u00a0 <\/span>She said that since then she hasn\u2019t felt afraid to be herself in the world.\u00a0 <\/span>That gives me hope.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I did the first draft of this back in October 2023. \u00a0Never finished it. Looking again at it, I see that it fits with my previous post about Vocation. \u00a0How amazing! From my journal for November 23, 1995 I wake … Continue reading