{"id":7921,"date":"2023-08-24T08:58:39","date_gmt":"2023-08-24T12:58:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=7921"},"modified":"2023-08-24T08:58:39","modified_gmt":"2023-08-24T12:58:39","slug":"reclaiming-my-creativity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=7921","title":{"rendered":"Reclaiming my Creativity"},"content":{"rendered":"

On Tuesday, August 22, I had an extraordinary session with Erica. I told her I was having trouble doing adult type things, especially if they involved dealing with bureaucracy, and at first I was scared that I was getting senile. Then I thought maybe I was blended with a young part. She helped me get in touch with the part. It turned out to be a pre-verbal baby. Reminded me of the one I rescued from a crack in a rock<\/a>. \u00a0Erica said “Ask if there’s something she’d like to reclaim about herself?” All I could get was a felt sense which I translated as “something about not being forgiven for being creative,” and something about “making a mess.” (An unforgivable sin in the house where I grew up.) I told her making a mess is a feature of being creative. I can feel in my body her excitement, relaxation, and curiosity. It’s actually OK to be creative! It’s so interesting that this all happened after<\/span> I read, typed up, and posted the piece<\/a> from September 1995 about feeling a hostile force stopping my creativity. Of course that woke up the part who then wanted to be heard and healed.<\/p>\n

Went back to find the passage about the time I was working with Debbie Alicen and she said I was creative:<\/p>\n

From my journal for January 6, 1989<\/p>\n

I said I realized that I had this image of myself as shabby and cowardly that grows out of or belongs to my relationship with Mom & I realized it’s just not true.\u00a0 <\/span>I’m not shabby, I’m courageous in refusing to go along with what she wants, hanging up when she’s drunk, etc.\u00a0 <\/span>I’m not cowardly, I’m sensible in not trying to confront her about her drinking.\u00a0 <\/span>So Debbie said “now we know what you’re not, tell me what you are.”\u00a0 <\/span>I said “Honest… intelligent… hardworking…”\u00a0 <\/span>As I was groping she looked at me quizzically and said “You’re leaving something important out.”\u00a0 <\/span>I had no idea.\u00a0 <\/span>She said “It should be first.\u00a0 <\/span>You’re CREATIVE.”\u00a0 <\/span>I said “What evidence do you have?”\u00a0 <\/span>She said “You wrote a book!\u00a0 <\/span>Your journals, your drawings… “\u00a0 <\/span>I cried.\u00a0 <\/span>I said “creative” means making trouble, making messes, they said “Don’t think you’re so great” they stomped on me when I tried to express myself.\u00a0 <\/span>I said I feel like I’m doing about 1% of what I could do<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Yes, about 1%. But I did do some really creative things. Imagine what I might have done with support and encouragement.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On Tuesday, August 22, I had an extraordinary session with Erica. I told her I was having trouble doing adult type things, especially if they involved dealing with bureaucracy, and at first I was scared that I was getting senile. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7921","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-healing","category-present-day"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7921","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7921"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7921\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7921"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7921"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7921"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}