{"id":787,"date":"2010-10-12T17:38:03","date_gmt":"2010-10-12T21:38:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=787"},"modified":"2010-10-12T17:38:03","modified_gmt":"2010-10-12T21:38:03","slug":"ptsd-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=787","title":{"rendered":"PTSD"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>(Written in May 2008)<br \/>\n\tThat state when my brain is \u201cjammed\u201d, circuits crossed.  Helpless, baffled, frantic.  This is PTSD \u2014 flashback to state of helpless baby.  Remind.  JAMMED. CIRCUITS CROSSED.   Then \u2014 pay attention to feet on floor.  Do something I can do \u2014 wash dishes, dance, walk dog.  Curl up w book.  DO NOT try to to \u201cadult things.\u201d<br \/>\n\tTalked to Karen about the Ya-Ya sisters and wishing my mother had had some <em>life<\/em>.  Also told her about getting caught in that place of helpless\/hopeless, and was reminded of that spasm of whatever it was \u2014 I still don\u2019t have good words.  It was like all of me was in spasm, body mind and spirit, all jammed into a place too small for it.  Karen said \u201ccircuits crossed\u201d which helped me identify it as traumatized brain.  The core of it is \u201cIt\u2019s my fault, and my best efforts to change it don\u2019t work.\u201d and it all goes back to a baby being ignored by her mother.  Karen threw a pillow into the opposite chair and said \u201cI think you need to talk to her.\u201d  So I told her what I thought of her, in a low firm voice.  I called her a shit, a shriveled husk.  She knew she was failing her children and she didn\u2019t want to accept that so she drank.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(Written in May 2008) That state when my brain is \u201cjammed\u201d, circuits crossed. Helpless, baffled, frantic. This is PTSD \u2014 flashback to state of helpless baby. Remind. JAMMED. CIRCUITS CROSSED. Then \u2014 pay attention to feet on floor. Do something &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=787\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-787","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-trauma"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/787","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=787"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/787\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=787"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=787"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=787"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}