Writing done in group on Monday, May 15<\/p>\n
A well of unprocessed grief<\/p>\n
\u201cTo be met!\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>That\u2019s what I said when I was doing somatic experiencing with Peter Payne.\u00a0 <\/span>He also did body work and I was sitting on his table with my knees drawn up.\u00a0 <\/span>He put his hand on my leg just below the knee and said \u201cPush.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>I pushed and he held me, stopped me gently and pushed back.\u00a0 <\/span>I pushed forward again laughing.\u00a0 <\/span>He pushed back.\u00a0 <\/span>I laughed harder.\u00a0 <\/span>We did it for a while until I collapsed laughing.\u00a0 <\/span>Later I thought about it, why was it so wonderful?\u00a0 <\/span>I realized with Mom & Dad, they would either stop me dead, or not stop me at all and let me fall.\u00a0 <\/span>I had never been met, there had never been a conversation, a back and forth negotiation, mutual response.<\/p>\n
I remember another time, it was about the Robert Frost poem<\/a> where he says: The sun was warm but the wind was chill.\u00a0 <\/span>You know how it is with an April day…\u00a0 <\/span>I said one of the lines trying to join my father in something I knew he loved.\u00a0 <\/span>But we stumbled around at first.\u00a0 <\/span>Then he said \u201cYou started me off wrong,\u201d and went on with the poem.\u00a0 <\/span>He had somehow missed that I was trying to join him in something he loved.<\/p>\n
How do you grieve something that didn\u2019t happen?\u00a0 <\/span>If you have something and lose it, you know what you\u2019ve lost.\u00a0 <\/span>But if you never had it?<\/p>\n
I remember when Erica started giving me positive feedback, detailed positive feedback, like \u201cyour hand is holding your face in such a gentle way.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>At first I wanted more, but then I couldn\u2019t handle it and started saying Stop! Stop!\u00a0 <\/span>Erica referred me to Francis Weller<\/a> who talks about what he calls the five gates of grief.\u00a0 <\/span>One is what we should have had and didn\u2019t get.\u00a0 <\/span>Every child, growing up, needs positive feedback and support for learning unfamiliar things.<\/p>\n
I have been feeling a lot of sadness this past week.\u00a0 <\/span>Sadness mixed with delight in the beautiful spring flowers, the greening grass and trees.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
After I read it, I said it was \u201cdead grief.\u201d Judith asked what is dead grief?\u00a0 <\/span>what would it say? I think I meant grief that couldn’t be processed. I’ll have to explore it more.<\/p>\n
I notice that when I wrote about it the next day, I said “a deep well of sadness,” and had to check my notes to see that wasn’t what Erica said. What’s the difference? “Sadness” is tender, a kind of dark background that can give depth to a bright present. “Unprocessed grief” sounds like a mass of stuckness \u2014 actually, unprocessed grief can be a source of depression.<\/p>\n
I see that I’ve done some earlier posts about grief this year:
\nNeeding to find a way to grieve<\/a>
\nLet grief speak<\/a>
\nA well of unprocessed grief<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Writing done in group on Monday, May 15 A well of unprocessed grief \u201cTo be met!\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what I said when I was doing somatic experiencing with Peter Payne.\u00a0 He also did body work and I was sitting on his … Continue reading