I’ve just been typing my journal from March 19 and came across this:<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been reading Rohr\u2019s book on the 12 steps<\/a>.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel so odd.\u00a0 <\/span>It seems like I\u2019m already doing it, but if I am I should be happy and I\u2019m not so I must be doing it wrong and don\u2019t understand at all.\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe I really am a very good person who does a lot of things right.\u00a0 <\/span>The reason I don\u2019t get that is that\u2019s not what I feel<\/span> like.\u00a0 <\/span>So I keep trying to be what I already am.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
So odd to read this and realize that “trying to be what I already am” does not work. \u00a0On April 11, the Daily Good was about a man named Nic Askew, who had developed a way to get people to talk about their real lives, be their real selves. This can’t be done by just saying “Be yourself.” The black and white films are quite extraordinary.<\/p>\n
From my journal for April 12<\/p>\n
Yesterday was the most amazing day.\u00a0 <\/span>It had a kind of flow to it, bits of understanding that made a pattern.\u00a0 <\/span>It started when I went to the Clinic to have blood drawn.\u00a0 <\/span>Alice Vining came, sat down next to me, and said she\u2019d just read the description of myself I wrote for the biographies book.\u00a0 <\/span>She said it was well written and she was impressed with my honesty.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
The “biographies book” contains the biographies of all the residents who wanted to write one. \u00a0It’s available only to residents.<\/p>\n
Then there was a Daily Good about a man named Nic Askew<\/a> who filmed people in such a way that their honest selves appeared.\u00a0 <\/span>His \u201ctechnique\u201d is very hard to put into words, but watching one was a revelation.\u00a0 <\/span>A woman talked about struggling with depression, then some sort of crisis, then she found herself in Fields of Kindness.\u00a0 <\/span>She felt completely loved.\u00a0 <\/span>She got teary with some lovely smiles.\u00a0 <\/span>She was just completely real.\u00a0 <\/span>He has a website called Soul Biographies<\/a>, black and white film that he\u2019s taken of people.\u00a0 <\/span>I felt both inspired and validated.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
So I just relaxed in some way, let myself be myself. \u00a0Something else that happened to me on March 19 was that the song in my head was St. Francis’ song for the “creatures”<\/a> meaning created things from Brother Sun and Sister Moon to the tiniest animals. The music is quite joyful, and we also have a circle dance that goes with it. So I started doing the dance, and felt wonderfully happy as a result.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’ve just been typing my journal from March 19 and came across this: I\u2019ve been reading Rohr\u2019s book on the 12 steps.\u00a0 I feel so odd.\u00a0 It seems like I\u2019m already doing it, but if I am I should be … Continue reading