This was originally posted in February 2015<\/p>\n
Bessel Van Der Kolk<\/a> is one of my heroes. \u00a0I went to the first weekend workshop he ever gave at Kripalu<\/a>, wondering what such a high-powered academic was doing at that center for yoga and health. \u00a0Turns out he had done a study showing that yoga was better than prozac in reducing the symptoms of PTSD. \u00a0So he had hired a male yoga teacher for his veterans, and a female yoga teacher for his sexual assault victims. \u00a0I really admired him for trying to find out what would really help his patients, not just accepting what others thought. \u00a0He was willing to look at alternatives to standard medicine. He had done a study that showed that EMDR<\/a> worked better than prozac. \u00a0\u201cSo then,\u201d he said, \u201cyou give all your clients their money back, or you take the damn training.\u201d \u00a0Not only did he take the training, he had them come do the training for his whole staff.<\/p>\n His book, \u201cThe Body Keeps the Score<\/a>,\u201d was recently published. \u00a0My therapist Erica said she was reading it and really impressed. \u00a0So I got the book and started reading. \u00a0But I got triggered, and when I got to the part about different attachment styles, I got so badly triggered that I had to stop reading. \u00a0That was back in November. \u00a0I did write down in my journal<\/a> what the different styles were.\u00a0 \u201cAttachment\u201d refers to the earliest bonding between an infant and its mother or primary caretaker. \u00a0\u201cDisorganized attachment\u201d is what happens when mother is necessary for survival but a source of fear.\u00a0 \u201cFright without solution.\u201d<\/p>\n The last couple of days I was feeling so much better that I thought I would try to read more. \u00a0And I did, enjoying it very much. \u00a0Lots of validating information.<\/p>\n \u201cAfter a while most people with PTSD don\u2019t spend a great deal of time or effort on dealing with the past \u2014 their problem is simply making it through the day.\u00a0 Even traumatized patients who are making real contributions in teaching, business, medicine, or the arts and who are successfully raising their children expend a lot more energy on the everyday tasks of living than do ordinary mortals.\u201d\u00a0 p246<\/p>\n \u201cThe insula can transmit signals to the amygdala that trigger fight\/flight responses.\u00a0 This does not require any cognitive input or any conscious recognition that something has gone awry \u2014 you just feel on edge and unable to focus or, at worst, have a sense of imminent doom.\u00a0 These powerful feelings are generated deep inside the brain and cannot be eliminated by reason or understanding.\u201d\u00a0 p247\u00a0 The \u201cinsula\u201d is the part of the brain that integrates sensations coming from inside the body. \u00a0The \u201camygdala\u201d is the part of the brain that detects danger. \u00a0In a traumatized person the amygdala can be very sensitive. \u00a0That feeling of \u201cimminent doom\u201d is one I know well.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been in it for days and even weeks at a time. \u00a0\u201cImminent doom\u201d combined with the inability to focus happens when I\u2019m packing to go somewhere. \u00a0It\u2019s not as bad as it once was. \u00a0Years ago I would feel like I was blind.<\/p>\n \u201cLike several of my other traumatized patients, Kathy was able to become completely absorbed in her studies.\u00a0 When she read a book or wrote a research paper, she could block out everything else about her life.\u00a0 This enabled her to be a competent student, even when she had no idea how to establish a loving relationship with herself, let alone with an intimate partner.\u201d\u00a0 pp256-7 \u00a0 \u00a0This describes me exactly. \u00a0It\u2019s why reading is my \u201cdrug of choice,\u201d the thing that allows me to escape from the pain of my life for a time.<\/p>\n Added now: It’s also how I managed to graduate from Wellesley College with honors, but continue to struggle with issues affected by trauma.<\/p>\n I also had an experience I didn’t understand at the time, but realized that it was an example of “disorganized attachment.” \u00a0In a therapy session<\/a> I scrambled to get away from a cushion the therapist was moving toward me across the rug. I remember thinking “Am I afraid of mother? I know I don’t respect her, but afraid?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This was originally posted in February 2015 Bessel Van Der Kolk is one of my heroes. \u00a0I went to the first weekend workshop he ever gave at Kripalu, wondering what such a high-powered academic was doing at that center for … Continue reading