This was written in writing group January 9. Another piece of unfinished business.<\/p>\n
Dear Mom,<\/p>\n
I\u2019m writing to tell you I\u2019m sorry I always acted so angrily when you were drunk.\u00a0 <\/span>I had no idea what you were up against.\u00a0 <\/span>Even now, I can only guess.\u00a0 <\/span>But I don\u2019t think Granny was a very good mother and I have no idea what your childhood was like.\u00a0 <\/span>Aunt Carolyn coming along when you were two might have been difficult.\u00a0 <\/span>I had a friend who, when she had her second child, was careful to explain to the first child that they would not be replaced.\u00a0 <\/span>She told me just saying \u201cI\u2019m bringing home a new baby\u201d would be like telling your husband you would be bringing home another husband.\u00a0 <\/span>So you may have been unhappy to have a younger sister.\u00a0 <\/span>I know you and Aunt Carolyn didn\u2019t get along very well.<\/p>\n
I wonder what it was like for you when Uncle Jesse died.\u00a0 <\/span>He was younger than you & Carolyn, and I remember you saying he was your little boy and you liked to dress and undress him. We live in a culture that doesn’t support grief, so you probably didn’t let yourself grieve after his death. \u00a0Not grieving can be one cause of depression.<\/p>\n
When I finally got on anti-depressant medication that worked, Char, who was helping me, asked if you got nasty when you were drunk.\u00a0 <\/span>I said yes, and Char said \u201cShe\u2019s medicating depression.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>Well, Mom, I lived with severe depression for years, and it\u2019s pretty awful.\u00a0 <\/span>If alcohol had worked for me, I might have become an alcoholic.\u00a0 <\/span>I remember one week when I drank a six pack of beer several days in a row.\u00a0 <\/span>But instead of getting comfortably drunk, I would start feeling headachey and nauseous, and would have a king-size hangover in the morning.\u00a0 <\/span>So I didn\u2019t have the right physiology to become an alcoholic.<\/p>\n
After Daddy\u2019s funeral, you got drunk and I was angry and nasty about it.\u00a0 <\/span>But the next night, for some reason, I was able to be kind<\/a>.\u00a0 <\/span>The next morning, you were sober.\u00a0 <\/span>You said \u201cI\u2019ve made a decision.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m going to be OK.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>I asked \u201cWhat decision?\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>But you just said \u201cThat nasty person won\u2019t be around any more.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>We went out to dinner with some friends and when they asked what you wanted to drink, you said \u201cWater on the rocks.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>I was so proud of you.\u00a0 <\/span>I wish I had told you so.\u00a0 <\/span>In fact I didn\u2019t realize that my being so kind to you that night might have helped you.\u00a0 <\/span>I didn\u2019t see it until many years later.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t think you would have been able to stay sober without some help, an AA meeting or a therapist, and you were highly unlikely to ask for help.\u00a0 <\/span>But I wish I had been able to go on being kind.<\/p>\n
love, Jenny<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
For an earlier take on unfinished business with Mom<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This was written in writing group January 9. Another piece of unfinished business. Dear Mom, I\u2019m writing to tell you I\u2019m sorry I always acted so angrily when you were drunk.\u00a0 I had no idea what you were up against.\u00a0 … Continue reading