From my journal for August 14<\/p>\n
Writing assignment by Mark Matousek<\/a>: A role you’re playing in your life today that no longer suits you and why.<\/p>\n My role as a trauma victim.\u00a0 <\/span>That the wound of being left alone gets triggered and I feel very lonely and lost, the only person in the world and disconnected from everybody else.\u00a0 <\/span>Unable to ask for help, to go where people are and try to relate to them.\u00a0 <\/span>I wish they weren\u2019t playing music it distracts me badly.\u00a0 <\/span>The story that I\u2019m frozen and trapped, that I can\u2019t get out by my own efforts \u2014 but no, I see that I\u2019m a victim, but I refuse to blame the person who left me alone, I always saw it as my responsibility to work on it, to try to heal it myself.\u00a0 <\/span>So I\u2019ve spent my life in therapy trying to heal the wounds.\u00a0 <\/span>Isn\u2019t this authentic?\u00a0 <\/span>How is this story false?\u00a0 <\/span>And despite my wounding I built Neskaya.\u00a0 <\/span>I did not let the wounding stop me.\u00a0 <\/span>What part of the story do I still buy?\u00a0 <\/span>That I do things badly, that I don\u2019t try hard enough, that I \u201cthink I\u2019m so great\u201d \u2014 NO, I don\u2019t do that.\u00a0 <\/span>I working at taking appropriate care of myself.\u00a0 <\/span>Erica said I\u2019m not<\/span> making myself wrong which is a pattern, an old old story \u2014 \u201cwhy do I always do everything wrong.”\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Timer goes!\u00a0 <\/span>I stopped the music for the second 4 minutes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n There was music playing during the 8 minutes we were to write, but I found it very distracting. This exercise started something that appeared a month later.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" From my journal for August 14 Writing assignment by Mark Matousek: A role you’re playing in your life today that no longer suits you and why. My role as a trauma victim.\u00a0 That the wound of being left alone gets … Continue reading