{"id":7442,"date":"2022-08-27T14:46:41","date_gmt":"2022-08-27T18:46:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=7442"},"modified":"2022-08-27T14:46:41","modified_gmt":"2022-08-27T18:46:41","slug":"anger-is-unmetabolized-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=7442","title":{"rendered":"Anger is Unmetabolized Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Just watched the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=EaI-4c92Mqo&amp;t=108s\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Francis Weller video on grief<\/a>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>He says that anger is unmetabolized grief.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>I thought about the other day, when I realized that I was angry with my ex-husband for the coldness with which he treated me after the divorce.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>I had told him to go see the woman he met, to find out how important that relationship was to him.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>He said \u201cI&#8217;m afraid it will ruin the whole thing.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>I said \u201cIf it does then it\u2019s not worth having.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>When he decided he wanted to divorce me and marry her, I did not fight it, I supported him.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>I gave him a very generous marriage settlement.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>I thought we were best friends and wanted him to be happy.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Instead, he cut me off completely and very coldly.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Somehow that destroyed our whole marriage.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>I had thought he loved me, but his coldness just made it unreal.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>I remember at one point thinking he was immature and being able to forgive him.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 B<\/span>ut that didn\u2019t last.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Then I read in Elizabeth Goudge \u201cWe hate those we have injured because they make us feel despicable\u201d and that made a lot of sense to me.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>But I still wasn\u2019t able to forgive him.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s a place I periodically revisit without success in having it be different.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Just yesterday, I realized for the first time that I was <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">angry<\/span> at him.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Then this revelation from Francis Weller.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>I realize that after Dana\u2019s rejection I got badly depressed.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>But I know that depression is also grief that has not found expression.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>I was unable to express my grief that the marriage was over because our marriage had ceased to be something that was good.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Instead of being something good that I had had and lost, it had been an illusion. \u00a0I am angry because it was not the ending of something good, but the complete destruction of something that was never real.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Just watched the Francis Weller video on grief.\u00a0 He says that anger is unmetabolized grief.\u00a0 I thought about the other day, when I realized that I was angry with my ex-husband for the coldness with which he treated me after &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=7442\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7442","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-depression","category-present-day"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7442","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7442"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7442\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7442"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7442"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7442"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}