Found out from Dr. Vreeland that my thyroid is badly underfunctioning. This was about 10 days ago. Since then, I have stopped pushing myself. It was a relief to find that there was a physical reason for my difficulty waking up, instead of me being lazy. I suspect it has to do with the social distancing and early trauma. But I don’t know. It’s been a little scary how badly I’ve lost ground. It takes everything I’ve got just to get through the day.<\/p>\n
Tried to find entries in my journal describing how I feel, but they are pretty limited.<\/p>\n
From my journal for Thursday, June 30<\/p>\n
I am so tired.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m also feeling a little scared.\u00a0 <\/span>My brain is not working properly, hasn\u2019t been for a long time.<\/p>\n
Second cup.\u00a0 <\/span>I didn\u2019t even do the breath of joy.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m seeing that I\u2019m losing ground.\u00a0 <\/span>I need help and don\u2019t know who to go to.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
“Breath of Joy” is something Erica suggested, developed by Amy Weintraub<\/a> in her Yoga for Depression.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m feeling miserable and somewhat scared.\u00a0 <\/span>I did manage to read The Secret Garden OK today.\u00a0 <\/span>But I haven\u2019t been able to do much else.\u00a0 <\/span>This is not a life.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019ve got to have some help, but I don\u2019t know what I need.\u00a0 <\/span>I got an appointment to see Dr. Dacey, but it\u2019s not til next Wednesday.\u00a0 <\/span>And I have no idea if she can help me.\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe I need to see which exercise classes I can got to and just go to them, whatever they are.\u00a0 <\/span>I would be with people and moving.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019ve been praying for help but don\u2019t feel anything.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I’ve been reading The Secret Garden<\/a> down in the Health Center to people who mostly don’t seem to be present. But there are always a few who respond, and I enjoy reading it. \u00a0Dr. Dacey is the doctor in charge of the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Clinic here at Kendal. Normally I see a nurse practitioner, but I wanted a doctor for help with the thyroid.<\/p>\n
Journal for Sunday, July 3<\/p>\n
Feeling awful.\u00a0 <\/span>Lost and lonely.\u00a0 <\/span>Scared.\u00a0 <\/span>Don\u2019t feel like myself.\u00a0 <\/span>Can\u2019t even write.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel both hot and cold.\u00a0 <\/span>I want to lie down.<\/p>\n
They are dancing today at Neskaya.\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t feel any urgency to go.\u00a0 <\/span>I keep putting my head down and closing my eyes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Going through my journal, I notice that I haven’t even been typing up my talks with Erica, which I usually try to do soon after they have taken place. I plan to make myself go to Neskaya, hoping it will give me a lift.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Found out from Dr. Vreeland that my thyroid is badly underfunctioning. This was about 10 days ago. Since then, I have stopped pushing myself. It was a relief to find that there was a physical reason for my difficulty waking … Continue reading