{"id":7317,"date":"2022-01-24T11:16:37","date_gmt":"2022-01-24T16:16:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=7317"},"modified":"2022-01-24T11:16:37","modified_gmt":"2022-01-24T16:16:37","slug":"steps-on-the-way-to-neskaya","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=7317","title":{"rendered":"Steps on the Way to Neskaya"},"content":{"rendered":"

Imbolc is the Cross-Quarter Day, also called Candlemas.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

February 2, 1992 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Imbolc<\/p>\n

I went to folk dance yesterday, it was very hard getting myself there, and the tapes and tape deck and cauldron and candles.\u00a0 <\/span>Driving out the driveway I asked myself what the hell am I doing this for when I feel so tired and sick.\u00a0 <\/span>And my answer was that I care about the fire festivals, and the wheel of the year, and I want people to remember and celebrate the changing seasons.\u00a0 <\/span>And it turned out to be wonderful \u2014 there were a lot of people there.\u00a0 <\/span>I sat on the sidelines and watched for the most part, they looked beautiful and varied and skillful.\u00a0 <\/span>The four little girls danced almost every dance instead of playing as they usually do, so we seemed more like a real community.\u00a0 <\/span>We lit the candles and made good wishes for everything from a friend’s birthday to hope for those lost in poverty, hunger, homelessness.\u00a0 <\/span>Then we did the King of the Fairies and the dance of the Trees around the lighted candles.<\/p>\n

At this point we were dancing in the Franconia Elementary School gym.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

February 19, 1992<\/p>\n

In less than an hour we’ll be having the closing on the Neskaya property.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel scared about it, but also absolutely sure that I want to do this with Dana.\u00a0 <\/span>When I remember that, the overwhelming scared feelings go away.\u00a0 <\/span>Perhaps we’re being fools, but if so, there ought to be more of this sort of foolishness in the world.<\/p>\n

Instead of being on the river flat, this land is right at the bottom of “Three Mile Hill” which goes up to Cannon Mountain Ski Area.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

May 14, 1992<\/p>\n

Woke at 4AM, terrified and soaking wet.\u00a0 <\/span>Changed my clothes, took two Nuprin, did anilom viloma, recited the Prajna Paramita and managed to get back to sleep.\u00a0 <\/span>A part of it is chemicals \/ hormones etc.\u00a0 <\/span>Another part is terror about Neskaya \u2014 who do we think we are?\u00a0 <\/span>Where is the money going to come from.\u00a0 <\/span>Then I remind myself that we really want to do it.\u00a0 <\/span>This morning I remembered that I once wanted a church (be careful what you ask for, for god may give it to you) and now here we are building one.\u00a0 <\/span>Yes.\u00a0 <\/span>I still feel terrified, and I put it aside and affirm that we will<\/span> do this thing.\u00a0 <\/span>This is courage.\u00a0 <\/span>This is perhaps what the I Ching was talking about.<\/p>\n

Waking terrified at 4AM is a symptom of PTSD. \u00a0“Anilom Viloma<\/a>” is a breathing exercise that usually calms me down. The Prajna Paramita<\/a> is the Heart of Perfect Wisdom sutra, about the Bodhisattva of Compassion. See the I Ching statement in the previous post.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

July 10, 1992<\/p>\n

Today the Sun crosses my Jupiter in Cancer in the Eighth.\u00a0 <\/span>We went over to the Neskaya land just to “touch base” as it were.\u00a0 <\/span>It felt very good.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel very glad of this project, and willing to be patient with the process, to spend as much time as it takes to do it right because this is a sacred building.<\/p>\n

The Eighth House rules other people’s resources, Jupiter is expansion, Sun transit Jupiter is good fortune.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

July 30, 1992<\/p>\n

Neskaya \u2014 we signed the application for a building permit yesterday.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

October 18, 1992<\/p>\n

Our application for a driveway permit for Neskaya was refused.\u00a0 <\/span>This is very disappointing and scary.\u00a0 <\/span>I had to work hard last night to “soften” around the disappointment and fear and helplessness.\u00a0 <\/span>I suppose we could put the property back on the market (it will probably take years to sell) and buy something else.\u00a0 <\/span>But I still feel committed to the project, whatever we have to do.<\/p>\n

I’m at the Neskaya property.\u00a0 <\/span>Dana and Bill Smith are walking up and down the road, trying to find a place to locate a driveway.\u00a0 <\/span>Our application for a permit was refused, and we’ve both been pretty upset about it.\u00a0 <\/span>Yesterday I was able to see that Neskaya is a big enough vision to absorb a $35,000 mistake, but today I just feel scared and bummed out.\u00a0 <\/span>Dana and I went up on the land to ask the spirits of the place for help.<\/p>\n

December 5, 1992<\/p>\n

The driveway permit came today.\u00a0 <\/span>Green light for Neskaya.<\/p>\n

We had to have the driveway come out on a different part of the road because Neskaya is a public building. Unfortunately, the new one had to be steeper, which wasn’t a problem until the harder rainfalls associated with climate disruption started eroding channels in the driveway.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Imbolc is the Cross-Quarter Day, also called Candlemas. February 2, 1992 \u00a0 \u00a0 Imbolc I went to folk dance yesterday, it was very hard getting myself there, and the tapes and tape deck and cauldron and candles.\u00a0 Driving out the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,9,14,16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7317","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-circle-dance","category-journal","category-spirit","category-story"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7317","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7317"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7317\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7317"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7317"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7317"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}