I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been really struggling with depression.\u00a0 This was written in July 2010:
\nWell, I really am feeling sad.\u00a0 It may be partly that nobody\u2019s here.\u00a0 I enjoyed waking up at my brother\u2019s house and doing my tea & journal while able to hear others\u2019 conversations.\u00a0 Caryn will be back tomorrow, thank god.\u00a0 I\u2019ve noticed that I\u2019m no longer sitting up straight in the car.\u00a0 I\u2019ve gone back to the slumped posture.\u00a0 When I notice and straighten up it feels better, but I don\u2019t stay that way.\u00a0 And when I wake up I feel uncomfortable in my body.
\nWell, what am I feeling in my body? A heaviness, a weight, my heart feels heavy.\u00a0 Wanting to curl up, hang my head.\u00a0 Tears behind my eyes.\u00a0 What does it want?\u00a0 To be held and comforted, told everything\u2019s going to be all right.\u00a0 sigh.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s all I ever wanted so many times in my life.\u00a0 Certainly in my childhood, where it wasn\u2019t available.\u00a0 Can I give it to myself?\u00a0 Not really, because right now I don\u2019t have it inside myself.\u00a0 How does a mother reassure her baby when the bombs are falling?\u00a0 Maybe the baby calls out a protective instinct, maybe she can say \u201cMommy\u2019s here\u201d with a solid comforting voice.\u00a0 I remember how I used to run to my ex-husband, asking for reassurance.<\/p>\n
Dear Guides & Guardian Spirits, I\u2019m feeling so sad.\u00a0 Can you help me? I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been really struggling with depression.\u00a0 This was written in July 2010: Well, I really am feeling sad.\u00a0 It may be partly that nobody\u2019s here.\u00a0 I enjoyed waking up at my brother\u2019s house … Continue reading
\n Dear Jenny, we love you.\u00a0 Lots of people love you and would comfort you if they knew you were sad.\u00a0 The root of this sadness is old and deep, going back to an infancy pretty much devoid of tenderness and comfort.\u00a0 Your mother couldn\u2019t comfort you, she expected you to comfort her.\u00a0 How could you feel solidly held, or that your weight rested on a firm floor?\u00a0 This is why it\u2019s so hard to soothe yourself when you\u2019re feeling sad.\u00a0 There, there, dear.\u00a0 We are with you, we are making a circle around you.\u00a0 Remember Jalaja saying \u201cYou are never, ever, alone.\u201d It would be OK to curl up with the Napier tape and a doll.\u00a0 We love you.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"