Tuesday, July 13<\/p>\n
Work with Erica was experiential, she asked me to not<\/span> write during the session. \u00a0Passages in italics are from my journal:<\/p>\n An intense session with Erica.\u00a0 <\/span>She managed to get me out of being trapped in rock.\u00a0 <\/span>Suddenly just at the end of the session I was able to see my plants and the trees outside my windows. \u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Wednesday, July 14<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t write about my experience with Erica.\u00a0 <\/span>She said not to write notes, just be with the feelings. [margin: grounding first feet & butt]\u00a0 <\/span>Intense fear spread from my heart to my whole body, chill down my back, tingling in toes.\u00a0 <\/span>Erica kept asking what I was feeling, what I sensed.\u00a0 <\/span>I began to feel that I was trapped in rock.\u00a0 <\/span>Erica started reaching her hand down from above.\u00a0 <\/span>I couldn\u2019t really see it, but then I had a sense of a jackhammer and then it was like the rock just dissolved.\u00a0 <\/span>At some point I realized it wasn\u2019t real rock but metaphorical.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Thursday, July 15<\/p>\n Second cup of tea.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel like I\u2019m buying into something being real that isn\u2019t.\u00a0 <\/span>Like the rock that faded when I imagined a jackhammer.\u00a0 <\/span>The image was a baby completely surrounded by rock, which is terrifying, but the truth is that the baby was in freeze, not in rock.\u00a0 <\/span>I think one problem is the way I believe my emotions are telling me the truth about the situation.\u00a0 <\/span>I think about Deborah believing that she almost killed her baby sister, when it wasn\u2019t physically possible.\u00a0 <\/span>Nancy Napier<\/a> says feelings are to be taken seriously<\/span> but not literally<\/span>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Deborah is the protagonist of I Never Promised You a Rose Garden<\/a>. \u00a0She had a “memory” of trying to kill her younger sister, but her therapist asked her for details of what she remembered, and deduced that it was not possible for a child to lift a baby out of a bassinet that was taller than she was.<\/p>\n A hit of fear.\u00a0 <\/span>I tell the little one that the danger was real then<\/span>, but it\u2019s not real now.\u00a0 <\/span>You survived then, and in now<\/span> you are taken care of.\u00a0 <\/span>Letting my head & shoulders shake.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019ve felt some moments of deep relief.\u00a0 <\/span>A small niggling fear rises up.\u00a0 <\/span>I pat it and say there there, this is what is real now<\/span>.\u00a0 <\/span>I look at the plants and my room and it feels very present, and then I lose that feeling.\u00a0 <\/span>Am I always a little dissociated, always partly in the world of traumatized baby?\u00a0 <\/span>Another subtle hit of fear.\u00a0 <\/span>This is so confusing<\/span>.\u00a0 <\/span>I go back to my feet on the floor, my butt on the couch.<\/p>\n We are here<\/span>, now<\/span>, in this room that I created, with the beautiful color on the walls, and my familiar and well-loved paintings, prints, books.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Tuesday, July 13 Work with Erica was experiential, she asked me to not write during the session. \u00a0Passages in italics are from my journal: An intense session with Erica.\u00a0 She managed to get me out of being trapped in rock.\u00a0 … Continue reading