Sunday, May 2<\/p>\n
At Hanover Meeting on Zoom.\u00a0 <\/span>Feeling badly disconnected. This is a result of my early trauma, and the social distancing<\/a>.<\/p>\n Dear Inner Divine Voice, I\u2019m scared and lost and desperately need help.<\/p>\n Dear Jenny, I am right here.\u00a0 <\/span>I know it\u2019s hard for you to feel.\u00a0 <\/span>You have been badly triggered.\u00a0 <\/span>You are doing your best to connect with people.\u00a0 <\/span>You went all the way to the dog park and sat with Mary Ann while Trigo and Mocha both played and ignored each other.\u00a0 <\/span>You did your best to make conversation with Mary Ann.\u00a0 <\/span>For reasons you are not in control of, you weren\u2019t able to feel connected.\u00a0 <\/span>Dear One, you are such a good person, and you work so hard.\u00a0 <\/span>But you judge yourself much too harshly.\u00a0 <\/span>Can you see\/feel connected to the terrified baby who is so lost and unconnected?\u00a0 <\/span>She is not alone.\u00a0 <\/span>There are many many people on the planet who are feeling just as lost and disconnected.\u00a0 <\/span>Some of them are even taking out their fears on others.\u00a0 <\/span>Your job is to sit down next to them and say \u201cThere, there.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m here and I\u2019m not leaving.\u00a0 <\/span>We are grieving the loss of all we hold dear.\u00a0 <\/span>Some of that loss has happened, some may not happen if we can turn things around.\u00a0 <\/span>But right now, I sit here with you in pain and helplessness.\u00a0 <\/span>I will not leave.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n I lit a candle for spiritual help.\u00a0 <\/span>I have rocks in my pocket, the glass heart Karen gave me, and the black stone I took from Erica\u2019s office. \u00a0These are two things I used to carry in my pocket when I was feeling very lost. \u00a0I don’t think I have done it since I’ve been at Kendal, maybe even much longer.<\/p>\n While I was sitting here, only my name showing on Zoom, I even lay down for a bit. I imagined myself in India, lying on the floor of a hospice where people were dying from COVID.\u00a0 <\/span>Their families were not with them, they were alone.\u00a0 <\/span>I just sat with them.\u00a0 <\/span>It felt right to do, and helped a little with my own fear and disconnection.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Sunday, May 2 At Hanover Meeting on Zoom.\u00a0 Feeling badly disconnected. This is a result of my early trauma, and the social distancing. Dear Inner Divine Voice, I\u2019m scared and lost and desperately need help. Dear Jenny, I am right … Continue reading