{"id":7001,"date":"2021-03-21T09:56:24","date_gmt":"2021-03-21T13:56:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=7001"},"modified":"2021-03-21T09:56:24","modified_gmt":"2021-03-21T13:56:24","slug":"stuck-in-their-misery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=7001","title":{"rendered":"\u201cStuck in Their Misery\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

I got an email recently from someone who said I was \u201cstuck in my misery.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>Feeling fortified by the knowledge that I hadn\u2019t wasted my suffering, and knowing that our culture tends to blame people for their suffering, I didn\u2019t buy it for myself.\u00a0 <\/span>But of course that\u2019s the adult me, and I also felt \u201cshocked heart<\/a>\u201d which I realized was all the younger ones inside me who believed it.\u00a0 <\/span>When I was about 17 my father told me I \u201cwanted to be miserable<\/a>.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>I didn\u2019t believe him, but when I saw that all my efforts didn\u2019t seem to change things I started to fear that somehow I was making it happen.\u00a0 <\/span>This is a situation guaranteed to cause depression.<\/p>\n

From my journal for yesterday:<\/p>\n

I did have a hard time most of the day because of the little ones who were so triggered.\u00a0 <\/span>I did my best to reassure them.\u00a0 <\/span>I even did what Erica suggested.\u00a0 <\/span>Put on folk music, held Kiddo<\/a> in my arms and rocked her.\u00a0 <\/span>I told her that her misery wasn\u2019t her fault, it came from something that happened to her that she wasn\u2019t responsible for, and also from being expected to do things that she just wasn\u2019t mature enough to do, especially without guidance and support.\u00a0 <\/span>But I continue to feel a little shocked heart. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Making my second cup of tea, I saw the answer.\u00a0 <\/span>The response to someone who is stuck in their misery has to be compassion, not anger.\u00a0 <\/span>If I\u2019m angry at myself, that just perpetuates the misery.\u00a0 <\/span>What I do is go sit down next to the misery and tell it \u201cI\u2019m here, and I\u2019m not leaving.\u201d And then I stay there.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I can see that my willingness to be present to my depression, terror, and despair, could be seen as \u201cstuck in your misery,\u201d especially by someone who is resisting and denying their feelings of misery.<\/p>\n

from my journal for today:<\/p>\n

You can call it \u201cstuck in your misery,\u201d but what I do is go sit down next to my misery<\/a> and say \u201cThere, there.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m here now, and I\u2019m not going to leave.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>I allow my misery to relax and know it\u2019s not going to be abandoned.\u00a0 <\/span>Sometimes my misery softens into grief.<\/a>\u00a0 <\/span>Sometimes I learn something new and worthwhile.\u00a0 <\/span>Sometimes a message comes from outside<\/a> and shifts things completely.\u00a0 <\/span>I never know what it will be.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m still learning to wait with patience and trust.\u00a0 <\/span>I can feel that all the little ones inside who were so upset are feeling comforted.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I got an email recently from someone who said I was \u201cstuck in my misery.\u201d\u00a0 Feeling fortified by the knowledge that I hadn\u2019t wasted my suffering, and knowing that our culture tends to blame people for their suffering, I didn\u2019t … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,5,9,11,14,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7001","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-depression","category-healing","category-journal","category-present-day","category-spirit","category-trauma"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7001","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7001"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7001\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7001"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7001"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7001"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}