I’ve actually been feeling better since I acknowledged that I’m too tired to do much of anything, and stopped making myself wrong for not getting things done. \u00a0Stopped pushing myself.<\/p>\n
from my journal Wednesday, November 25<\/p>\n
Another amazing talk with Erica.\u00a0 <\/span>I came out of it accepting that once again I\u2019m trying to do too much, more than I have energy for.\u00a0 <\/span>Seeing yet again that I have failed to live as \u201cwild, wide, and creative a life<\/a>\u201d as I have gifts for.\u00a0 <\/span>Do I still matter?\u00a0 <\/span>Do the failures matter?\u00a0 <\/span>What about the person on the back ward, stunned with drugs?\u00a0 <\/span>What I see now is that that person still matters, that their \u201cfailure\u201d is a consequence of an unfair system, not a character flaw.<\/p>\n
I sit here, one hand open, holding my heavy head, one hand closed, holding the pen like a weapon, like a hypodermic.<\/p>\n
I write, I type, I post. \u00a0This is my existence.<\/p>\n
Winning does not tempt that man.
\nThis is how he grows: by being defeated, decisively,
\nBy constantly greater beings.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nThe last lines are from a poem by Rilke<\/a>. \u00a0I think I must have heard them on a CD by David Whyte, but am not sure. \u00a0They are the end of a long poem.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’ve actually been feeling better since I acknowledged that I’m too tired to do much of anything, and stopped making myself wrong for not getting things done. \u00a0Stopped pushing myself. from my journal Wednesday, November 25 Another amazing talk with … Continue reading