{"id":6828,"date":"2020-10-13T19:03:58","date_gmt":"2020-10-13T23:03:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=6828"},"modified":"2020-10-13T19:03:58","modified_gmt":"2020-10-13T23:03:58","slug":"what-can-i-do-with-whats-left","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=6828","title":{"rendered":"What can I do with what’s left?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today I had a really hard time.\u00a0 <\/span>Because of COVID, there are a number of offerings on the internet, talks, webinars, ongoing classes, all of which are of potential interest to me.\u00a0 <\/span>I start to feel overwhelmed, and then a sort of \u201cfalse urgency\u201d \u2014 that I\u2019ve got to DO SOMETHING!\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t have any sense of which thing might be appropriate \u2014 O gosh I notice my language \u2014 \u201cappropriate\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>\u2014 according to whom!\u00a0 <\/span>Do I feel any desire of the “I want that one” kind?<\/p>\n

I also have a practical issue, I should have some insurance that will cover me where Medicare doesn\u2019t.\u00a0 S<\/span>ince my health is pretty good, I don\u2019t want something with a high premium, I\u2019d rather have something with a low premium and a high deductible.\u00a0 <\/span>I talked to someone who recommended a particular plan, but also sent me a number of different plans.\u00a0 <\/span>But looking at them, I just got overwhelmed and confused.\u00a0 <\/span>It was like my brain just couldn\u2019t think.\u00a0 <\/span>Part of it is that there are so many variables, and I don\u2019t know what half of them are.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel a sort of frozen panic, and recognize \u201cfalse urgency.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>I HAVE to pick the \u201cright\u201d one. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I was in such a hyper-vigilant state that I couldn\u2019t figure out what to do.\u00a0 <\/span>It might be a good idea to go outside, walk the dog, but I couldn\u2019t move.\u00a0 <\/span>Find a way to CALM DOWN!!!! \u00a0 <\/span>Frantically trying to calm down.\u00a0 <\/span>But no energy.\u00a0 <\/span>Finally I lay down with the dog for comfort, and concentrated on breathing slowly.\u00a0 <\/span>Eventually I calmed down enough to take the dog for a walk in the rain, just the right thing to do.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s really horrible about this time of COVID, climate emergency, political idiocy, is the strong sense of MUST DO SOMETHING, and nothing I can do at the moment.\u00a0 <\/span>If I could do anything at all?\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019d be back at Neskaya, with energy to change the decorations, and to put together a series of dances that celebrate diversity, and the life-support system of the earth.\u00a0 <\/span>That would feel like the right thing to be doing,\u00a0to be enacting<\/span>\u00a0the world we want to see right now.\u00a0 <\/span>But that\u2019s not an option.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m too old, don\u2019t have the energy, can\u2019t take care of myself, need help just to survive.\u00a0 <\/span>And we can\u2019t have dances at Neskaya right now anyway, unless with masks and social distancing.\u00a0 <\/span>Can\u2019t imagine what that would be like.<\/p>\n

So my other choice is to grieve. \u00a0Grieve the life that I never had enough energy to really live, grieve the suffering of so many people, creatures, and our planet. \u00a0But grieving properly needs the support of community.<\/p>\n

What can I do with what I have left? \u00a0Thank the trees for taking my carbon dioxide and giving back oxygen. \u00a0Take care of my little dog. \u00a0Support my friends when I have the opportunity. \u00a0Use resources as carefully as possible. \u00a0Try not to become despairing that, because of COVID, my community is generating an enormous amount of waste that can’t be recycled.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today I had a really hard time.\u00a0 Because of COVID, there are a number of offerings on the internet, talks, webinars, ongoing classes, all of which are of potential interest to me.\u00a0 I start to feel overwhelmed, and then a … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,11,4,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6828","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-activism","category-present-day","category-trauma","category-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6828","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6828"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6828\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6828"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6828"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6828"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}