{"id":682,"date":"2010-08-14T14:16:55","date_gmt":"2010-08-14T14:16:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=682"},"modified":"2017-03-01T14:11:33","modified_gmt":"2017-03-01T19:11:33","slug":"dialogues-with-little-jenny","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=682","title":{"rendered":"Dialogues with Little Jenny"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Written in January 2007)
\nLeaving for Kripalu today.\u00a0 Woke early, a little scared.\u00a0 Prayed for help and took a Buspar.\u00a0 Yesterday I had lots of times of \u201cblind terror\u201d when I just couldn\u2019t think.<\/p>\n

ME: Little Jenny, we\u2019re going to Kripalu today.\u00a0 That\u2019s good because they will take care of all the food.\u00a0 Is there anything you need today?
\nLITTLE: take some art materials and the guidance notebooks.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad food will be taken care of.\u00a0 That will be easier for you.
\nME: Thank you.\u00a0 That makes me feel all warm inside.\u00a0 Anything else you need?
\nLITTLE: just keep checking in with me \u2014 that makes me feel safe.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019m feeling scared, but it\u2019s not too bad.\u00a0 That feeling of hollow vibrating in my chest, tension coming up the outside of my neck.\u00a0 There\u2019s a feeling of blankness, as tho I\u2019m facing into a strong wind, or something cushiony but tight pressed against the front of my body.\u00a0 Breathing helps ease it.<\/p>\n

At Kripalu.\u00a0 Woke up with that odd feeling.\u00a0 The best I can do is describe it as flat, my heart feels flat, I feel one-dimensional.\u00a0 I don\u2019t feel scared, or depressed.\u00a0 I do feel flat and disconnected.\u00a0 When I think of my friends or my dog, I feel a dull ache, no softening.\u00a0 Well, maybe I can soften around it.\u00a0 Yes, now I\u2019m getting that this is a child who\u2019s been abandoned so long that she\u2019s in complete withdrawal \u2014 curled up in the fetal position and waiting to die \u2014 as Susan Anderson describes how she was in the hospital when her parents mistakenly left her for 3 days.\u00a0 What I can do is sit with her and share her pain.\u00a0 Some cracks develop in my heart, or in its icy casing.\u00a0 I welcome pain, it\u2019s living.\u00a0 The cramped feeling in my stomach has eased so I can breathe.
\nIn the dining room with a proper cup of tea.\u00a0 Too noisy in the cafe.<\/p>\n

Good morning Little Jenny, how are you today?
\nL.J. I like the quiet.\u00a0 I like Jack Kornfield.\u00a0 I have trouble with all those people talking so loudly and fast.
\nME So do I.\u00a0 I think this would be a better place to have morning tea, and I\u2019ll try to protect you from noise and from rushing around \u2014 and I won\u2019t be making noise or rushing around.
\nL.J.\u00a0 Good.\u00a0 I feel safer when you\u2019re calm.
\nME O Little Jenny I do love you (and my heart softens \u2014 I see the picture of Little Jenny with the Dar Gorani look and I just want to hug and comfort her.) Can I give you a hug?
\nL.J.\u00a0\u00a0 YES!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

“Little Jenny with the Dar Gorani look” was named by a circle dancer who saw this photograph.\u00a0 Dar Gorani is a dance choreographed to Armenian music, using traditional Armenian gestures.\u00a0 We also call it the “prayer to the lost homeland” because it’s about being driven out of your home, and looking back to its beauty, and forward to the hope that you will be able to create a new home.\u00a0 In this picture I see a child who knows that somewhere out there is a better way to live, but where she is right now there is just the pain of not really being seen and supported by her alcoholic parents.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Written in January 2007) Leaving for Kripalu today.\u00a0 Woke early, a little scared.\u00a0 Prayed for help and took a Buspar.\u00a0 Yesterday I had lots of times of \u201cblind terror\u201d when I just couldn\u2019t think. ME: Little Jenny, we\u2019re going to … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,8,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-682","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-circle-dance","category-depression","category-healing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/682","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=682"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/682\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=682"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=682"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=682"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}