From my journal for Thursday, September 24<\/p>\n
3rd cup. coffee.\u00a0 <\/span>WholeHeart questions<\/a>.
\nThe poem was about a lighthouse
\n1. Who are your light keepers?
\n2. What keeps you afloat?
\n3. How are you \u201ckeeping a light for those left out\u201d?<\/p>\nI found them very difficult.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel like there\u2019s no source of light in my life right now\u00a0 <\/span>\u2014\u2014 first, I am aware of the sunlight falling in my room, then of the moon last night.\u00a0 T<\/span>hen of Sebastian, totally unaware of his strength, of the light he is carrying \u2014\u2014 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>As for \u201ckeeping a light for those left out,\u201d I\u2019m in outer darkness myself.\u00a0 <\/span>No, I\u2019m not in outer darkness, Baby Jenny is in outer darkness and I am the Witness.\u00a0 <\/span>I see her there and I sit down next to her.\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t know if that can be called \u201ckeeping a light.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been thinking that, a baby, who\u2019s before the age of object constancy, is absolutely alone when mother is out of sight.\u00a0 <\/span>If mother is out of sight for too long the baby is traumatized.\u00a0 <\/span>What does that baby feel?\u00a0 <\/span>An utter aloneness.\u00a0 <\/span>In the dark, no light, no warmth, an empty universe, there aren\u2019t even any people in it.\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s not like I\u2019m all alone, maybe even feeling horribly lonely, but I know there are other people in the world.\u00a0 <\/span>I know that now, as an adult.\u00a0 <\/span>But a baby without object constancy<\/a> does not know that, cannot experience that.\u00a0 W<\/span>hat she experiences is an utter aloneness, so overwhelmingly painful to feel\u00a0 <\/span>\u2014\u2014 what would you feel if you were the last person left alive on the Earth? \u2014\u2014 that the baby\u2019s reptilian brainstem goes into freeze, and the baby will suffer from PTSD for the rest of her life.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I realize that the importance of “3rd cup” writings is they give my subconscious a chance to process the information. \u00a0I find that there are often questions that I simply don’t know the answer to right away. \u00a0Sometimes, a day later, or after a walk with the dog, I find myself coming to an answer.<\/p>\n
“WholeHeart<\/a>” is an organization in Burlington VT. \u00a0They have weekly “Wellness Circles” on Zoom. \u00a0We are read a poem, given prompts, allowed 5 minutes to write. \u00a0Then we are put into breakout groups of two or three, and given 5 minutes apiece to read what we wrote, or just talk about what it brought up. \u00a0The two people who are not reading are asked to “listen generously,” to not offer advice or criticism. \u00a0I have found it very helpful in this time of pandemic. \u00a0Especially now, as Kendal has 2 confirmed cases of COVID-19 among the staff, and is in lockdown mode.<\/p>\n
Sebastian is a character from Elizabeth Goudge<\/a>‘s novel, The Heart of the Family<\/a>. \u00a0He is a survivor of bombing and concentration camps. \u00a0He’s obviously dealing with PTSD, though it’s not named. \u00a0He is described as grey, dry, and dusty, but also as having great strength that he doesn’t seem to know about.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
From my journal for Thursday, September 24 3rd cup. coffee.\u00a0 WholeHeart questions. The poem was about a lighthouse 1. Who are your light keepers? 2. What keeps you afloat? 3. How are you \u201ckeeping a light for those left out\u201d? … Continue reading