Last week I had a “turnaround.” \u00a0I finally got it that most of the misery and grief I feel is that of others who are suffering. \u00a0I’ve made this mistake most of my life, not realizing that I’m an empath, and that a lot of the suffering I feel is actually that of others. \u00a0I, myself, am fine. \u00a0Here are some journal entries that show the steps along the way. \u00a0One thing I decided is that I didn’t really need to pay attention to the “news,” because ignoring it does not mean pretending bad things aren’t happening. \u00a0It just means I don’t get sabotaged by despair.<\/p>\n
Sunday, August 16
\nProfoundly discouraged.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel overwhelmed with a downpour of trivia.\u00a0The planet is burning and everyone is distracting themselves with the political circus.
\nI’ve been reading EarthDance<\/a> and finding that my memory of some things I thought she said is incorrect.\u00a0If I can\u2019t trust my memory, what can I trust?<\/p>\nWhat can I trust?\u00a0 <\/span>That I care about Truth and continue to seek Truth.\u00a0 <\/span>That I am very demanding in what I accept as Truth, that I am always willing to let go of what I have accepted as truth if a more convincing one comes along.\u00a0 <\/span>That I continually lose faith in Truth, and find it again.\u00a0 <\/span>That I love the Earth, and do everything I can do to heal and preserve her.\u00a0 <\/span>That I grieve the many many losses we humans have inflicted on the earth, and the huge undeserved sufferings of humans and animals.<\/p>\n
I started reading further in From Grief to Vision<\/a> at breakfast.\u00a0 <\/span>Deena<\/a> talks about the ongoing shamanic work to save the planet and her constant search for signs.<\/p>\n
I see that my recent discouragement is from paying too much attention to the news and politics and manipulation of the so-called \u201creal\u201d world.\u00a0 <\/span>I thought that instead of going to a Meeting on Zoom, I would spend this time looking for \u201csigns.\u201d<\/p>\n
Monday, August 17
\nOnce I recognized that I was feeling overwhelmed with dry lifeless information, I turned to Deena\u2019s book.\u00a0 <\/span>About shamanic work, connections with animals, watching for signs from Spirit.\u00a0 <\/span>Her stories are sometimes hopeful, sometimes distressing, but at least there\u2019s a sense of reality.\u00a0 <\/span>There\u2019s no reality in the political circus.<\/p>\nI managed to get back to typing journal.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019d got way behind.\u00a0 <\/span>There was the session with Erica where she tells me that being in collapse<\/a> is not a character flaw<\/span>.\u00a0 <\/span>I have to remind myself of that when I get angry at myself for becoming apathetic, and being unable to do anything.<\/p>\n
Tuesday, August 18
\nI\u2019ve figured out what to say when asked \u201chow are you?\u201d\u00a0 “<\/span>I\u2019m<\/span> fine, but I\u2019m not happy about what going on politically or environmentally.”<\/p>\nI decided that all my reading was not helping my spirits, so I got out the book written by Sue Monk Kidd and her daughter.\u00a0 <\/span>Interesting to see a good relationship between Mother and Daughter.\u00a0 <\/span>They are in an odd place where Sue is facing old age, and Ann is struggling with rejection by boyfriend and by graduate program she wanted to do, and she\u2019s not talking about it.\u00a0 <\/span>Not even to her mother who she knows is safe.<\/p>\n
Wednesday, August 19
\nThe choice I made, that I think turned things around, was reading the book by Sue Monk Kidd and her daughter.\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s called \u201cTraveling with Pomegranates<\/a>,\u201d and it\u2019s a pilgrimage to embody and understand the Demeter\/Persephone myth.\u00a0 <\/span>During this time period, Sue was writing The Secret Life of Bees<\/a>, and some of the plot came from images that Sue was attracted to \u2014 collected from magazines \u2014 that makes me wonder about doing something similar.\u00a0 <\/span>Looking for what does my heart want to do with what\u2019s left of my life.\u00a0 <\/span>I think about my relationship with Younger Jenny as being my Demeter\/Persephone work.<\/p>\nI realized as I was walking down to Reception, outside, to mail my ballot and my taxes, that the new moon cycle had just started.\u00a0 <\/span>Wondered if that was part of my improved mood.<\/p>\n
The sections of the Pomegranate book were Loss, Search, Return.<\/p>\n
Thursday, August 20
\nSong in my mind yesterday \u201cWill you be peace or pride, can you at last decide, there\u2019s no-one to fight, we are the same inside. So go home and get some rest…\u201d \u201call about love, what if it comes to be all that we have left?\u201d \u00a0Christine Kane: “The Good You Do”<\/a><\/p>\nI notice that, if I have a song in my mind when I\u2019m making breakfast, I crack the eggs just right, not too hard or too soft.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
The thing about breaking the eggs shows a huge shift in my life from “figuring it out” \u2014 trying to get it right, and using my intuition. \u00a0A lot of other little things have shown this same change just in the last week.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Last week I had a “turnaround.” \u00a0I finally got it that most of the misery and grief I feel is that of others who are suffering. \u00a0I’ve made this mistake most of my life, not realizing that I’m an empath, … Continue reading