{"id":6522,"date":"2020-03-18T18:33:12","date_gmt":"2020-03-18T22:33:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=6522"},"modified":"2020-03-18T18:33:12","modified_gmt":"2020-03-18T22:33:12","slug":"another-complete-cycle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=6522","title":{"rendered":"Another Complete Cycle"},"content":{"rendered":"

Went through another complete cycle on Tuesday.\u00a0 <\/span>Daily Kos ran a story about how Trump has been minimizing the COVID danger.\u00a0 <\/span>He cares about the stock market more than people.\u00a0 <\/span>It showed his statements about \u201ceverything is fine\u201d correlating with the rise in cases.\u00a0 <\/span>He may have slowed us down to the point where we don\u2019t have enough beds or respirators, and our health systems will be overwhelmed, as they were in China and Italy.<\/p>\n

When I saw that graph, I suddenly wasn\u2019t sure I could even trust Daily Kos.\u00a0 <\/span>I couldn\u2019t trust anyone.\u00a0 <\/span>It was a horrible horrible feeling.\u00a0 <\/span>Now I see that I was triggered into the state of a small child who has suddenly realized that she can\u2019t trust her parents.\u00a0 <\/span>But her life depends on them.\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s a horrible horrible moment.\u00a0 <\/span>I started feeling sick and weak.\u00a0 <\/span>I managed to cook breakfast and walk Mocha, but then I wasn\u2019t able to make coffee \u2014 felt too nauseous to drink anything but ginger kombucha.<\/p>\n

I wrote for guidance<\/a>, which comforted me a little.\u00a0 <\/span>Thought about calling Dulany but I was afraid she wouldn\u2019t understand and would try to reassure me with logic and reason.\u00a0 <\/span>I emailed Barbara and Beverly.\u00a0 <\/span>The phone rang and it was Beverly.\u00a0 <\/span>She suggested tong-len<\/a> which was a good idea, though I haven\u2019t been able to do it yet.\u00a0 <\/span>I do keep doing the metta<\/a> prayer for all beings: \u201cMay all beings be held in lovingkindness.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>Talking to her did help ground me a little.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

So I felt a little better after talking to Beverly.\u00a0 <\/span>I found a link to a NYT article<\/a> \u2014 or maybe it was an op-ed \u2014 about Trump\u2019s minimizing lies.\u00a0 <\/span>That helped a little.\u00a0 <\/span>I had lunch, again found it hard to eat.<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t settle to anything: not puzzles, not typing, not reading \u00a0 <\/span>\u2014 I took Mocha out for a once around Scattergood.\u00a0 <\/span>The walking helped a little.\u00a0 <\/span>I finally made myself wash the dishes.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span>I\u2019m glad I did, because I think it helped bring me back to my present adult.<\/p>\n

Wonderful links from Upworthy<\/a>,\u00a0 <\/span>Cheered me right up.\u00a0 <\/span>Someone helping an older woman with shopping.\u00a0 <\/span>A garbage man on how we\u2019re all in this together.\u00a0 <\/span>Doctors and nurses dancing in a hospital in Iran.<\/p>\n

I think the Great Powers of the universe have cleverly designed this crisis to bring us all to the lived experience that we are all together in the same boat.\u00a0 <\/span>Spaceship Earth.\u00a0 <\/span>Only cooperation will help us now.<\/p>\n

My therapist pointed out that I had somehow done just the right things to bring me out of it. \u00a0The state I’m in is FREEZE, because a baby can’t flee or fight, and the default in that case is “freeze.” \u00a0So just moving helped. \u00a0The fact that I couldn’t do my usual coping activities: digital puzzles, typing journal, reading, was because I knew I couldn’t check out, I had to stay present. \u00a0This hadn’t been conscious, it came from deep within. \u00a0But it was the opposite of reaching for a drink. \u00a0I said to Erica, in tears, “I can trust myself<\/span>.”<\/p>\n

Previous quick cycles:
\nDemon\u2019s mirror<\/a>
\nTurnaround in the Pit<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Went through another complete cycle on Tuesday.\u00a0 Daily Kos ran a story about how Trump has been minimizing the COVID danger.\u00a0 He cares about the stock market more than people.\u00a0 It showed his statements about \u201ceverything is fine\u201d correlating with … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,11,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6522","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-depression","category-present-day","category-trauma"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6522","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6522"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6522\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6522"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6522"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6522"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}