It was 1996, the summer from Hell.\u00a0 In February I had tried Paxil for 5 days while my terror shot through the roof & got worse & worse until the 5th night when I didn\u2019t sleep at all.\u00a0 So I stopped taking it.\u00a0 I was fine for a while, didn\u2019t feel depressed at all, but gradually I began to have trouble eating and sleeping.\u00a0 In the hot weather I began waking up in terror, soaking wet, after only 90 minutes of sleep.\u00a0 I would be able to sleep again, but for no more than 90 minutes when I would wake terrified again.\u00a0 My weight went down to 105 lbs.\u00a0 I was in a pretty constant state of terror.\u00a0 I tried acupuncture and the first time it gave me a few hours of relaxation.\u00a0 The second time I was back to terror almost as soon as I got in my car to drive home.\u00a0 I was on I 93, driving south.\u00a0 As I came over the big hill that leads down into Franconia, I was feeling pretty desperate.\u00a0 I thought \u201cI don\u2019t know how I can live my life.\u201d A huge flock of wild turkeys came flooding across the northbound lane and the median strip.\u00a0 I slammed on the brakes with visions of blood & feathers everywhere, but the blessed car stopped in time.\u00a0 I sat there and watched while about 30 young turkeys were herded across the road by 5 adults.\u00a0 After they all got safely by, I drove into the breakdown lane and cried for a little.\u00a0 Then I went home and got out a little book called \u201cAnimal Energies\u201d by Gary Buffalo Horn Man & Sherry Firedancer, and looked up turkey.\u00a0 Turkeys are \u201cabundance\u201d, turkeys are \u201ccoming back from extinction.\u201d I said OK, god, I\u2019ll hang on.\u00a0 A year later I was on medication that worked and I found out what normal brain chemistry was like, and that I had probably been depressed my whole life.\u00a0 I still think of turkeys as good omens and am glad when I see one.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It was 1996, the summer from Hell.\u00a0 In February I had tried Paxil for 5 days while my terror shot through the roof & got worse & worse until the 5th night when I didn\u2019t sleep at all.\u00a0 So I … Continue reading