{"id":5837,"date":"2018-09-28T15:33:55","date_gmt":"2018-09-28T19:33:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=5837"},"modified":"2018-09-28T15:33:55","modified_gmt":"2018-09-28T19:33:55","slug":"badly-triggered","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=5837","title":{"rendered":"Badly Triggered"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was badly triggered by all the news about Kavanaugh and the abuse that was being denied.\u00a0 <\/span>Saturday I talked to someone I have a business relationship with, and she told me something that involved a dear friend, something about being worried that she would be alone in the house with a man.\u00a0 <\/span>I felt worse and worse as the day went on, and I could feel that my brain wasn\u2019t working very well.\u00a0 <\/span>I couldn\u2019t remember the exact words that were used, and I got angrier and angrier about the idea of a woman lying about abuse.\u00a0 <\/span>For all the women who have lied \u2014 and I\u2019m sure there are some \u2014 there must be at least 100,000 women who were assaulted and never said anything.<\/p>\n

From my journal for Sunday<\/p>\n

Because of all this, I went through yesterday in a world totally without spirit, filled with people who were without soul, greedy and malicious.\u00a0 <\/span>All the faces looked ugly and suspicious.\u00a0 <\/span>I isolated the rest of the day, ate at the open table, did not engage in conversation, left as soon as I was finished eating.\u00a0 <\/span>Called Christine right away.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Christine is a supportive friend who I knew would listen to me while I tried to figure out what was going on.\u00a0 <\/span>I got clearer about my thinking and what action I wanted to take if what I thought was true.\u00a0 <\/span>I wrote a couple of angry emails to my business friend.\u00a0 <\/span>Written in longhand in my journal, I knew I didn\u2019t want to send one without editing.\u00a0 <\/span>The one I finally sent was not so angry.<\/p>\n

[Actual email]<\/p>\n

I’m getting increasingly concerned and upset about the suggestion that\u00a0<\/span>[my friend] might lie about a question of sexual abuse.\u00a0 Both she and I are\u00a0<\/span>baffled by where it is coming from.\u00a0 It’s true that abuse issues are all\u00a0<\/span>in the news right now, and a lot of people are claiming that the women\u00a0<\/span>involved are lying.<\/p>\n

What is your take on the issue?\u00a0 Do you think a woman would lie about\u00a0<\/span>such a thing?\u00a0 Please give me a call so we can talk about it.<\/p>\n

At this point I was feeling pretty shaky & off balance.<\/p>\n

At Neskaya, I was worried about my ability to teach. Practicing the dances I felt really wobbly.\u00a0 <\/span>Once I started the program itself, I felt a lot better.\u00a0 <\/span>In fact I felt like I had re-entered my body. \u00a0I have never felt that so clearly. \u00a0It’s a sign of how badly I was triggered.<\/p>\n

When I got back to Hanover, I got two unpleasant angry phone messages from B claiming that she did not trash my house<\/a>, and I periodically go off into fantasies of meeting her and her saying a lot of the same shit, and me just feeling sad.<\/p>\n

I knew I was going to have a difficult conversation on Monday.\u00a0 <\/span>I asked for help on Facebook.\u00a0 <\/span>Posted on my page, the Circlework Graduates page and the Kindred Spirits page.\u00a0 <\/span>I got a lot of supportive messages, from friends and from people who don\u2019t even know me.\u00a0 <\/span>It really strengthened me.<\/p>\n

So when the call came, I was in a mindset of open curiosity instead of angry confrontation.\u00a0 <\/span>I asked questions about what had actually been said, and found out that I had misunderstood.\u00a0 <\/span>My trauma, already triggered by the Kavanaugh stuff, misinterpreted what I heard \u2014 hijacked my reasoning brain.\u00a0 <\/span>When it was over I felt such enormous relief.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel like I can go on with my life now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was badly triggered by all the news about Kavanaugh and the abuse that was being denied.\u00a0 Saturday I talked to someone I have a business relationship with, and she told me something that involved a dear friend, something about … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,11,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5837","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-activism","category-present-day","category-trauma"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5837","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5837"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5837\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5837"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5837"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5837"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}